small (day 4 of 17)

today (is my hard-won stay-at-home-and-study day which i'm hesitant to call a day off because i do more than i do at work AND i work full time hours in the other four days. so.)

weight: 148.8 (-1.0 since yesterday, -2.0 overall)
Breakfast: lowfat yogurt smoothie with probably peach & pineapple
lunch: 2 eggs + a white with spinach and maybe one slice of bacon for flavor, spring mix
snack: cucumber & ff ranch
dinner: 3-course prix fixe from a pretty tony latin place downtown
workout: 1 mile walk & bk (DONE BY 8AM!)


well. that's nice. i can handle a pound every other day. of course, i, too, would enjoy being down SEVEN POUNDS overall, like mr. man is, but he started at about 105 pounds* more than i did, so FINE, WHATEVER.

i'm nervous about the prix fixe dinner tonight, but i can't get out of it because my friend is leaving for med school in florida next week, so i assume i won't see her again for like 7 years. i think i'm going with the tortilla soup & jicama salad to start, the enchiladas de verduras & mole amarillo (rabbit) for my main and the flan for dessert, because i don't really care for flan. and NO drinks. NO NO NO. basically, i'm trying to avoid cheese and fried and carbs as best i can.

i'm thinking very hard about changing my ultimate goal to 125. it's always been hard for me to imagine myself smaller than a 12/155 pounds, but here i am and i want to keep going. should i wait, though, and see what 135 looks like? i have no gauge for how/where i will lose the next 10, let along ANOTHER 10. it might go from all the right places, or it might exaggerate the small places and leave the larger places (hello upper thigh jiggle) larger making me look warped. to wait, or to reset the goal??


*my high school boyfriend weighed about 205 at 5'6" and was often quite down on both of us for being fat. at one point, he discovered that his dear (girl) friend with whom he was shamelessly in love but who was dating his obviously gay other best friend weighed 105 pounds. i remember him saying over and over, "i weigh A HUNDRED POUNDS MORE than her." and i'm like, well, yeah, seems that way, but she is awfully small. and now my husband weighs a hundred pounds more than me and he's not, like, super morbidly obese or something, i'm just apparently small.**

** speaking of small, i ordered a pair of size 8 jeggings and a size small fancy tank from old navy to "inspire" me as this is the first time i've had nothing in a smaller size to try to squeeze into. they were on super clearance and i paid like $22, with shipping. welllllllllllllllllll... they came yesterday and the top fits but the pants are way short, which i know because i put them on and zipped them up and everything. holy shit. (they are quite stretchy, of course, but EIGHTS.)