*

*quebecoise toast, formerly known as fake-ass french toast

ingredients:

• 10 slices complete protein bread (ezekial, for example, i use trader joe's)
• 1 pint egg whites
• 1 1/2 tablespoons sugar or splenda (i use sugar)
• 1 1/2 tablespoons vanilla
• 1 1/2 TEAspoons cinnamon
• canola oil or "butter flavor" cooking spray

prep:

• combine egg whites, sugar, vanilla and cinnamon

cook:

• soak bread slices in egg mixture
  
• spray griddle or large, flat frying pan
• cook at medium heat, flipping only once or twice, until golden

these keep in my fridge from sunday night to friday and are tasty, protein-and-fiber-full and portable. we warm ours up in a toaster, but you could nuke them and eat them with syrup or something, too.

my apologies to any readers (::snort::) in quebec. i don't think you're fake-ass french, we just needed a nicer name for the dish. who really wants a breakfast with the word "ass" in it?

MAY

in one month it will be summer. welllll... sort of. memorial day, not the solstice. but i count june as summer, full stop. every year for the past fifteen or so (maybe more like 18?) i've promised myself i would be thin "by next summer." yeah, i'm not thin. maybe i never will be. but i'm going to feel good THIS summer.

to that end:

• i will prepare my own breakfasts AND lunches all 17 workdays this month (i work full-time hours in 4 days a week)
• i will workout at least 4x a week this month
• i will sign up for and complete my first 5k race this month
• i will sign up for my second 5k race (july 14) this month, and set a time goal and speed-work schedule
• i will schedule my annual massage for early next month
• i will track my points+ and activity all month, every day, even special events

my weight is not doing what i want it to do. my body, while stronger and healthier every day, is not nice looking. i have to relax and let go. i feel like time is running short for this, since i want to maintain my weight for a full year before getting pregnant and be fit enough to keep up serious exercise during pregnancy. but i have 13 months of BNGS left and i need to focus on that.

meh

saturday morning i was down to 150.4. this morning, officially, i was 152.8... not less than january 1, not less at all. the same. we ate three meals at restaurants this weekend, plus one from a convenience store and a good deal of booze. and i'm still down a reasonable about, even though the daily weigh-ins showed me that my weight was unnaturally night before.

i would have loved to have 152.0 today, but i bet there will be a tuesday drop.

lately, i feel very much like a grown up in my relationship with consumption... i'm more budget and space conscious. and my tastes are maturing. specifically, my taste in food & drink. lately i'm enjoying: root veggies, cooked greens, baby arugula, baby spinach, quail, pheasant, rabbit, venison, frou-frou cheeses, black coffee, dark chocolate and red wine.

i'm not sure if my growing-up taste if food is going to help me lose weight, but it's certainly making me feel better about me & food.

6 weeks.

progress

okay. wanna know something totally gross? i slept through the night last night and woke up with YELLOW SNOT! yellow snot is The Official Symptom Of The Beginning Of The End Of A Cold. and i haz it.

starting tuesday i've made myself nut up and eat real food, not comfort food, and drink water, not juice. it's been rough, but i'm making it. AND i'm losing weight.

i'm not sure how the weekend is going to shake out just yet, but i'm likely to have to do most of last weekend's canceled activities, plus those planned for this weekend. so, yeah, that's a lot. but i'm also going to the BNGS gym again to make the arc trainer my bitch. the goal of the arc trainer situation is to eventually get up to an hour of that and knock out like 600 calories in each workout. also to get back some lower bod & cardio strength for (another) triumphant return to running in march.

so... better. i feel better. i've done a good deal of schoolwork for the week so i can focus on 2 major assignments due on tuesday. and i'm not in a fight with my scale any more. hooray. next week's weigh in might even be-- gasp!-- less than january 1!

how to make your boobs look better in one easy step

okay, so at the gym on sunday, my BNGS friend (heretofore known as K) and i used weight machines. now... last time i was doing regular strength training i was using free weights (with my brother-trainer, BK) (try to keep up), but K only uses machines. so we used machines.

25 pounds felt so light on a chest fly! like nothing! i mentally patted myself on the back for retaining some muscle. the past two days, though? it hurts to fucking breath. it hurts and it's scary. my chest is tight just because my muscles are tight, but it feels like a panic attack. and you know what will make you panic for real? not being able to take a deep breath.

so i'm stretching. and drinking water. and taking advil. and going back to the gym on monday for a date with the arc trainer and 20 pounds on the fly machine. because today? my boobs look UH-MAZING. oh, yes. over-training my chest lifted, separated and enlarged the girls. LOVE. IT. not that i'm going to keep over-training. but training, for sure.

AND i paid for my spinning class today, but it doesn't start until my birthday week, so that won't get me toward my increasingly unrealistic looking goal of being at goal my my 27th (barf.) birthday.

AND my eating has been perfect for, erm, well, it's PLANNED to be perfect for two days. once i do today's eating.

my scale has not been terribly encouraging, but some of that must be the over-training, right?

better

153.0 today. that's better. i planned this morning to get a cupcake today and shaved a few calories off the plan to that end, but turns out i forgot to take the pork chops out of the freezer. whoops. so we'll get pizza.

the weather is cooling down today and, provided it's not pouring, we'll walk tonight and i'll jog tomorrow & sunday. think i can pull 3/4 of a mile??

a dirty little whorebag

148.8

148.8

148.8

ERR

for a minute this morning, in the haze of my hangover, i thought for SURE the scale said 158.8. it didn't. it had a four on it. i was, to put it mildly, shocked. i planned to hop off and get my camera to record this milestone for posterity. except, ERR. so i gave it a minute.

151.6

and another minute, in case the little bitch wanted to rethink that.

152.8

ummm, yes, i'm taking 151.6. and i'm SURE it's all wine. (a high school/college friend came for dinner. we had grilled chicken caesar salad with fat free dressing, a blueberry peasant tart with a scant 1/4 cup of sugar in the whole thing and a giant bottle of fat bastard chardonnay. um, and 14 cigarettes. between us. both quitters. oops. i threw out the last 6 this morning.)

i didn't jog today, in a planned rest day, but we'll walk tonight. i had homemade whole wheat irish porter bread for a lazy breakfast, but packed chicken caesar salad, half a huge cucumber and some grapes.

i saw that four.

jogging weather

i'm a fair-weather jogger. that's got to change. but today, tomorrow and sunday should be within my limited jogging weather, so i'll get a lot of workouts in.

152.4 today. still gunning for 152.0 on monday. this week is going to have to be very "clean" foodwise because of a family reunion weekend out of town.

now i'll make my grocery list!

i didn't earn this

i went to bed early last night so i could get up early and hit the track. i did that thing where i made sure i was thinking about waking up at 5:30 while i fell asleep. at 5:15 i woke up, and then i fell back asleep and had this incredibly vivid dream that i (not we) adopted a newborn. i woke up a LEETLE stressed... at 6:15.

balls.

i overate last night, too. not a ton, two or three hundred calories of sweets and tortilla chips. my husband went out. i wonder if that's boredom eating, lonesome eating or sneak eating?

and today i'm down to 152.2. if i hit 152.0 tomorrow, i'm going to adjust to 151.6 for monday so i don't look at the weekend as a freebie.

TODAY:

• actually stay in my calorie range
• drink a boatload of water
• that's it cause i have plans tonight and a very early morning

shame

mostly stayed in my calories.

walked.

didn't do sit-ups and push-ups due to being a cry baby over my final hpv vaccine shot. (motherfucker HURTS. STILL.) why get the vaccine for a virus i already have? because we assume my husband also has it and, if the odds are in my favor and the leep actually causes it to clear out, my husband and i could just keep reinfecting each other... forever. delightful, no? apparently, though, each of the 3 shots hurts worse than the previous one. i remember #1 hurt for about a month but i don't remember #2 hurting at all. #3 made me say "holy SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIT!" as the needle was withdrawn.

didn't wake up and go to the track. dunno why. feel crummy.

152.4. i'm adjusting the goal for this week to 152.0. because i already met 152.6.

whoops

and... then i didn't walk last night OR jog this morning.

TODAY:

1. don't eat beyond plan
2. drink loads of water
3. walk
4. sit-ups and push-ups
5. get to bed early for a morning workout!

today's weight, btw? 152.8. ABUH? whatever. my goal for this week is 152.6. that's my goal. and i have 6 days to get there.

lmp

i read somewhere, a long time ago, the the first day of your period is the day to start a new diet because... i forget. whatever. does it matter? those little things stick in your head.

the past two weeks i've been lethargic and weird. off my game, for sure. i couldn't recall the date of my last period. i imagined asking for a peestick at my lady doctor appointment tomorrow (last shot!). i was pretty sure that bottle of rum/that bed with an ocean view/that six days of relaxation was going to leave me considering fajardo as a middle name for an actual human child.

meanwhile, i made my lunches for the week, slept in my workout clothes and set an alarm for 6am.

at 5:55 i got my period. of course. a relief, but also... i dunno. i'd have to get pregnant by accident to ever be pregnant, i think, so part of me sort of hopes.

...

i went to the track anyway. it was shy of 75* and it felt sooooooo gooooooooooooood. i jogged 1/4 mile TWICE with one walked in between. and i walked the 3/4 of a mile round-trip. so 1.5 miles down by 6:45 in the morning!

so this weekend i managed to eat fairly well, if high sodium, walk once (last night) and prep my lunches.

and? i maintained. 154.6.

this week i'm going to the track every morning, and jogging at least 1/2 mile, at least 3 of those mornings. i'm eating my planned foods. and i'm walking with my husband. back in the game.

...

there will be a pool party at my in-laws in 5 weeks. my sister-in-law is coming to visit. if i buckle the fuck down i can maybe make it to 145.

goal for this week is 152.6.

steady

last night was not ideal in a lot of ways, and i'm up .2 pounds today. no big. except, now it's thursday and i'm trying to lose like 1.5 pounds by monday?

today, despite a long-planned pizza dinner, is back-on-track day with careful eating, exercise and water drinking. and going out to buy ice cream cause it's the last night of the 2 for $5 edy's slow-churned sale!

so... i haven't mapped out my foods and such but i'm going to do that now and hope that in my mild hang-over this morning, i planned a somewhat balanced diet.

what i ate on my summer vacation

that's me. approximately 155 pounds (or -81) on my way to the fitness center on the first morning in puerto rico.

are you jealous of my dedication?

don't be. it only happened one more time.

HOWEVER.

both times? i jogged 1/4 mile in. a. row. JELUS?


so... post vacation i'm up to 156.4! that's SO GOOD. i mean, unless you're thinking, bitch, you were in the 150.somethings two weeks ago... which, well, yeah. and then i was in the 155.somethings when i left and today i'm WAY puffy.

(the junkiest food we ate was at the airport yesterday. it might as well have been mc d's.)

okay. as for what i actually ate. mornings meant eggs, fruit and a stray piece of bacon, sausage or potato. oh, GOD, and the coffee. lunch varied from clif z-bars to plantain chips & salsa to local beers, a fritter sampler and a puerto rican side dish sampler. (fritter, yes, means TOTALLY FRIED EVERYTHING. it was delicious.) dinners were: fried "native cheese" and a meaty flatbread pizza with a blended rum/fruit drink; peanut butter and clif bars with, well, SEVERAL cuba libres; fried native cheese with a chicken pesto panini, fries and a cuba libre; half a chicken & rice wrap and a nature valley bar; fritter sampler and half a southwestern wrap with fries and a mojito. oh, and an ice cream cone.

we went to the beach all of ONCE (the beach was on a private island and required a serious trek through the resort, a funicular ride, a wait for the ferry and a ferry ride) and the pool NONE. but we went hiking in the rainforest and spent a day in old san juan. we even got a couple's massage (hub's first!). aside from the systematic over charging and the feeling that we were about to get completely screwed, it was pretty freaking awesome.

and. i'm only up a pound and a half.

so, i'm taking running up, for real, now. like. today. because i totally can!

math FAIL

okay, okay, TODAY i'm exactly four pounds higher than i want to weigh on tuesday morning! 153.8. yesterday it was 5. UGH.

so, i'm doing fine. i'm filling up with fresh fruits and veggies (5-6 servings a day!) during work and enjoying husband-grilled dinners. there may be some slips involving leftover chocolate cheesecake, homemade peanut butter cookies and some edy's apple pie ice cream. but they have been TINY slips and, frankly, you save a lot of calories when you eat a pound and a half of fresh produce for breakfast + lunch + snacks.

it's be about a zillion degrees around here lately, so exercise isn't what it should be. but because it's been so hot, i've been experimenting with skirts and... damn. i think i'm about to buy some shorts! i don't hate my legs (except the part that will be covered by a 5" inseam)!

oh, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, hold on to your hats, ladies, i'm going to POST A PICTURE!! tonight or this weekend. because tonight my husband is buying us a new camera while i'm having my biweekly chat with dr. y! and if you gush and stuff, i might even post some from my fabulous tropical vacation NEXT WEEK.

meantime... yeah. i have a few trouble spots, and 15 or so stubborn pounds, but i feel pretty good.

despite wanting the scale to be much lowered by tuesday.

still hope

up to 152.4 today! not cool, body. not cool, self, who ordered the mu shu vegetables.

anyway. onward and downward. tonight i'll have a baked panko-crusted chicken cutlet, a small serving of pasta and salad, salad, salad. tomorrow i'll bring a veggie tray to the barbecue. sunday and monday will be all about produce, hydration and exercise.

btw, can i say this? i'm super-happy for all my newly engaged friends (we're at that age and there are four weddings brewing, plus one or two more engagements on the horizon), but... mildly jealous? i dunno, man, getting married asap was important five years ago because ooh, we were sooo in loooooove (still are!) but it would have been nice to be, like, a fully formed adult at the time. and thinner.

anywho. 150.4? eeep. but i've got 4 days.

baker's remorse

so, i make this... confection. we call it double-cake, which is pretty uncreative, but whatever. it's a cheesecake with a cake on top. and it always ends up garnished with something else (butterscotch pudding, chocolate ganache, pretzels, strawberries...). it's really good, but it's an enormous pain in the ass to make. so, of course, i have to make it for my husband's birthday. of course.

since we're going out to dinner tonight, and then to liquor wonderland to stock up, i started the cake last night. this year's cake is a chocolate cheesecake with a peanut butter cookie crust, banana cake, chocolate ganache and a peanut butter drizzle. so, feeling very clever, i picked up sutter's formula peanut butter cookies at tj's. make that peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. balls. okay, the cookies couldn't be used for my cake so i ate two. they fit in my calories and most of the rest are at the office now. then i had to make peanut butter cookies. WELL. feel free to add peanut butter bookie dough to the list of pre-baked confections i can't resist.

then it turned out that i'd baked way more than i needed. and THEN i made the chocolate cheesecake which just smelled sooooooo gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

bites, licks and tastes later, i couldn't manage a walk and my weight was up. 151.6. awesome.

so tonight i'm going to bake a cake, do my body-weight resistance workout, walk to dinner and walk back before going to the booze store.

i'm just really glad we'll have two quiet days to focus after this crazy weekend!

holding out

i'm still on track. it's been a hell of a week, but i'm still on track. except i didn't do weights last night.

(151.2 today.)

tonight, we're having a regular dinner at home-- grilled pork chops and sugar snap peas-- and i'm baking a chocolate cheesecake with peanut butter cookie crust for my husband's birthday. tomorrow we're going out with his dad and stepmom. we're hoping for japanese, or else i have to check out bertucci's. friday is the birthday dinner with my parents and brothers: panko crusted, baked chicken parm and the cheesecake. cheesecake disposal plan is to cut the leftovers in half, sending half home with my brothers and slicing & freezing the other half. saturday is our friends' barbecue, to which i'm bringing veggies & greek yogurt ranch dip.

anyway. still plugging along.

150.4... 150.4... 150.4...

just like odysseus

last night i resisted the siren song of ice cream, beer and my bed. we took a walk. we spent, seriously, HOURS debating the merits of various birthday-dessert options. i was rewarded with a drop to 151.4. goal for monday remains 150.4. one pound.

i'm pretty sure it can be done.

today's food is all planned out (sprouted grain toast with butter, coffee, cucumber, whole wheat pasta with light dressing, kiwifruit with skin, grilled chicken, corn on the cob, beer OR ice cream) and workouts agreed upon (bodyweight resistance & a walk).

and that's about all there is to report.

150.4... 150.4... 150.4...

round numbers

i've lost 84 pounds. my husband has lost 49. we're both looking at getting to our milestone this week. i LOVE having a partner.

he'll be 28 on friday. i'm making chicken parm from scratch and a chocolate cheesecake topped with banana cake, chocolate ganache and peanut butter drizzle with a nutter butter crust. i still haven't gotten him a gift. i don't even know what to get him. not new clothes because a) that's not a present, it's something he needs, b) we just enjoyed the old gravy 30% off sale yesterday and c) i just did a whole load of clothes that fit him again!

so... puerto rico! two weeks! two pounds! actually, this week i'm shooting for 150.4. i'm planning on being UNDER 150 when we leave. and maintaining while we're there. i've packed my lunches. we've planned out all of our dinners for the week and committed to walking together every. night. and i'll do two body-weight workouts and a full weight workout. will.

150.4... 150.4... 150.4...