awful

we all know the agony of having to buy new clothes-- fancy clothes, even, that need fitting and tailoring and stuff-- when we're not EXACTLY comfortable with our bodies, right? a bridesmaid dress, a wedding dress, a suit.

a suit.

i will admit that i protect my husband from things that will force him to acknowledge his weight. we have no full-length mirrors, even though i'm getting to where i'd like one. he doesn't tuck in shirts. we don't go for hikes together or the beach. i buy his clothes a size bigger when i see it needs to be done. frankly, he's gained a good deal of weight since we met, mostly while i was gaining my 75ish pounds, but a bit more since. i suspect he's gained about 125 pounds. and i'd like him to lose 100 or more.

but i believe that, as i did, he will make the change when he is ready.

and i think he's ready.

my poor husband went through a terrible ordeal last night: he bought a suit. this of course involved measuring tapes and numbers and trying on, trying on, trying on. and then they brought out the five hundred year old blind italian tailor (ALL tailors are 500 years old blind italian men, i SWEAR TO GOD) and stood in the gentle embrace of a three-way mirror, under fluorescent lights, while they poked, prodded, pinned and generally discussed him like he wasn't there.

(we managed the whole thing-- pants, jacket and tailoring-- for less than $200 bucks and it will be ready tonight, thanks to the ANGEL of a salesman at the men's wearhouse.) (who i may or may not have had an inappropriate dream about last night.) (in a xanax sleep!)

on the way home, he said, "um, we are going to workout together, right?"

i felt just... awful.

tonight i have to go through the same, but i don't wear the biggest size anymore. i'm going to try three stores: target (hoping their limited edition holiday collection is nicer, not just more expensive, than their usual fare), macy's (with a 25% off card!) and the old standby ann taylor loft (oh, MAN, do i ever not want to spend that much). it's going to be easier for me.