:D

thanks for the sweet comments! that's more comments than i've had... like, since i posted the picture of my wedding dress. alas, we have three apple cider vinegar & dish soap traps out, but they just don't seem to be working. wth?

so... i stay the same. i stay the same if i eat only a larabar all day. i stay the same if i eat a perfectly balanced 1400 calorie diet. i stay the same if i work out. i stay the same if i eat pizza and fries and cookies. i stay the same.

i'm totally not cool with 167.2, you guys! i want 150. i'd LOVE 145. and, for 135, i think i'd keel over and die.

if i stay the same through new years... it'll be okay. i can feel the pull of the new year already-- the back-to-schoolness, the semi-annual-saleness. i'm ready for 2010. BUT, and this is a big BUT (like mine), i'm not ready for the tests i have until then. i'm not ready for christmas. not being what you might call christian (as in: i don't believe the whole jesus-christ-my-lord-and-savior bit, i do believe the whole be-kind bit) i find that christmas becomes less and less happy for me each year. and new year's eve-- WHOOO BOY-- i was so hoping that last year, on the fifth anniversary of my assault, i could put the damn thing to bed, but it didn't turn out that way. an acquaintance, someone i knew THEN and i know NOW, the guy who introduced me to my husband by not setting me to walk with the knucklehead's best friend in his wedding, saw me panicking and hugged me. fucking HUGGED me. which? is not what to do when someone says, "i cannot be touched right now. do not touch me."

anyway. the holidays? DO NOT WANT.

but! the new year! WANT.

i'm going to take classes-- EXERCISE CLASSES-- through the local "schoolnight" program. spinning and kickboxing. YOWZA. i'm going to budget like mad and pay off credit card debt & my husband's student loans before one or both of us starts grad school in september (i have doubts that i'll get accepted, but he? totally will.). we're going to move to the city. (cue heav'nly choruses singing hallelujah.) is gonna be a good year. these are not "i'll start after the new year" plans, by the way, these are plans that simply CANNOT be done in what remains of this year due to class schedules, leases and, yes, christmas.