aw, geez

i stuck to my ck'ing over the weekend. hurrah! sure, i posted some things i'm not TOTALLY proud of (hello, pretzel nuggets and nacho cheese) but i logged it all and, though i sorta missed some nutrient ranges, i stayed withing my calorie target.

i gained a pound, too.

i shredded on friday afternoon-- oh yes i did-- and i forgave myself for NOT shredding on saturday. i drank all my water, and some coke zero. i forced myself to eat some protein & fiber when my tummy felt like a bottomless pit, instead of eating the carby food i wanted.

and i gained a pound.

but the tuesday drop is coming, and maybe it will bring me back. i don't want another week at the EXACT SAME WEIGHT.

so... my mom is in a diet cult. she's actually pretty high up in a diet cult. she's kind of in line for the throne. i've talked about this before. i'm thinking of asking her what her charts say i should be consuming, calorie-wise. i'm thinking... 1390 plus whatever i exercise off? that's a LOT. i've been supplementing with light egg nog (which is nutritionally not a train wreck. i was surprised, too.) just to hit my range. i need to lose these last 20-35 pounds in 6 months. i can't dick around anymore.

today i shred. and drink TONS of water. and eat the salad i packed for lunch. and my three (yes, three) snacks. and try to remain optimistic.