wimp(le)

so. my new routine kinda goes like this: work, come home, chill for five or ten minutes, shred, cook dinner, eat dinner while getting a jon stewart fix AND planning tomorrow's dinner, shower and then read/watch shows/watch movies/clean/etc., etc., etc.

it works out pretty nicely since i get my workout in without much whining and then i have the WHOLE EVENING in front of me. but last night i finished a book that was kinda dragging me down (a biography of lucrezia borgia-- i know, it was less fun than it sounds) so i could read one of the four new books i have piled by my bed. plus, there were no new shows.

actually, i kinda wimped out on shredding. oh, i DID it. mostly. two-thirds. at least. but i did it pretty wimpily. i'd had a crummy day-- everyone and their mother at work reminded me that i'm NOT important, i'm NOT good enough and i'm NOT worthy of, oh, i dunno, a nod as you squeeze by me in the narrow stairwell because YOU'RE a drop-dead fucking gorgeous attorney who speaks fucking PERSIAN and i'm... not. (new tenant! yay! she's WAY above me.) sigh. then my computer kept asking to be shut down for updates while i tried to shred (playing the dvd on the computer), and finally, midway through the third cycle of cardio, just before bicycle crunches, i let it.

why, yes, i DO regret not stretching after.

so, i sort of lazed around for a bit after dinner, banged out the last two years of lucrezia's life and then hopped in the shower before i started the sacred book of the werewolf. well, i fell asleep before my hair was totally dry and this morning, i looked like i was wearing a wimple. um, so i pulled my hair back. the end.

it seems to me that i'm eating at maintenance now. i mean, SERIOUSLY. i've been 168.4 for the better part of two weeks. what. the. hell. i don't know how long i can continue to eat this much, knowing i'm getting used to it and that, eventually, i'll have to cut back. i feel like i need to let my body get on board with this plan but... i don't know. how long? how much SHOULD i be eating? why do trader joe's whole grain toaster waffles have 4.5 grams of fat EACH?

these are the questions that torment me...