figures

i didn't shred last night. and today? my eating is unscheduled. which basically means it's gonna suck. oopsie.

my husband is going away tonight. he's flying to warmer climes to visit his mom, stepdad, stepbrother, stepsister, stepniece, stepnephew, stepbrother-in-law (stretching, here), halfbrother and sister. it's good. he hasn't seen most of them since may. we expected a visit from his mom, stepdad and halfbrother over the summer but plans changed when his stepdad abruptly lost most of his hearing. his sister was recently dumped by her fuckhead live-in, which precipitated a horrible second trimester miscarriage. my husband has been more or less estranged from her (by her choice) since the asshole come into the picture. we're hoping that this long weekend will allow them to reconnect a little. it's a good thing.

for them. me? i HATE being alone. last time he went away without me, i ate about four pounds of pasta. and ONLY pasta. with butter and cheese. my favorite salty-carb comfort food.

last night, i tried to plan out my food for the weekend. i have pork chops, which i love but he doesn't like. i have spinach, asparagus and leftover brussels sprouts. that's as far as i got. i realized how many meals i'd be alone for and just panicked. it's not the MEALS, so much, since i can pretty easily make a healthy meal for one, but it's the time in between meals. so far i've got an outing planned for tonight, and maybe one tomorrow. sunday is probably empty and monday and tuesday will probably just be long workdays. i hope.

the problem is, i don't want to be alone all that time, but hanging out with people inevitably means food, drink and cigarettes. do not want.

then for breakfast this morning i had one waffle. i didn't pack a lunch or any snacks. what am i, stupid? i also forgot my keys. so, yes, stupid.

it's not yet ten am and i'm starving. i'm also anxious and lonely in anticipation. i miss him.