national diet-starting day

(or is it maybe international?)

so. this may not be news if you've been reading a while, or if you know me in real life... which.. got i hope it's just the one of you. but. six years ago (today!) i was assaulted (in a, you know, parts-that-your-bathing-suit-covers way) and i'll be damned if that fucking piece of shit hasn't managed to ruin a perfectly nice opportunity for champagne and kissing for the rest of my goddamn life. or, you know, at least these past five years.

and it doesn't help that four days ago several of my facebook friends became facebook friends with him. fucking facebook, man!

or that i was out of town with my brothers & husband at my uncles' house.

with a bunch of strangers (the party consisted of me, my husband & 2 brothers, and eight middle-aged gay guys-- AWESOME, no, really, it was great, for a while).

and under lots of stress re: husbands academic/professional aspirations and how they KEEP FUCKING CHANGING.

but i've been a goddamn wreck. since... um, about 3pm yesterday. so, despite maintaining a good deal of control with wednesday's food-- aside from the SMALL slice of red velvet cake and three kettle one & clubs-- and being fairly good about breakfast yesterday-- supplementing my huge heap of grapefruit with a teeny sliver of coffee cake-- and being AWESOME at a cafeteria-style lunch--hello, spring mix, chicken, hard boiled egg, dipping my fork in ranch and an apple-- i basically went bat shit crazy with the eating & drinking from about 5pm yesterday until... now.

calorie counts since i joined calorieking for my free trial:

• sunday 12/27: 2780!! (i know, right?)
• monday 12/28: 1760
  
• tuesday 12/29: 1309 (in range! 1290-1390)
• wednesday 12/30: 1853
• thursday 12/31: 2095
• friday 1/1: 1754

so, tonight i made myself a little weekday plan that i THINK will work. but it's a CRAZY lot of food. check it out:

• breakfast: muffin tin spinach omelette with 1 egg, 1 egg white and 1/2 cup of chopped spinach; 2 low fat multi-grain waffles with 1 tablespoon of apple butter each; coffee, black.
• am snack: medium apple with 1/2 roasted almonds.
• lunch: 3 cups of spring mix, 3 ounces chicken & 1/2 ounce ceasar dressing; 15 whole grain crackers.
• pm snack: 1 cup grapefruit.
• dinner: 4 ounces protein; 1 serving high-fiber carb (hello, potato!); 1 cup veggies

calories: 1315; fat: 42g; carb: 120g; protein: 80g; fiber: 25g.

shwhew. it's more fat than i'd really like, but my doctor (who suggested i try alli since she had a patient who lost 15 pounds with no side effects!) always said to try to stay under 50 grams... and i have. i'm really following calorieking's guidelines for the macro-nutrients here because... i don't know enough.

doesn't that look like a shit-ton of food? doesn't it look like... too much? oh. well. i'm giving it a full month, along with jillian (dear amazon: anticipated delivery january FIFTH? come the fuck on, really?) and i'll adjust from there if i need to.

but, boy, am i going to feel like a smacked ass when i realize that i wasn't eating enough 2/3 of the time. (the other third of was eating very poorly, of course, also NOT HELPFUL.)

so, what it comes down to is... i'm flushing any remaining cigarettes on sunday. i'm eating right and exercising daily. and i'm finishing this once and for all.

pretty optimistic for a chick who's spent the last 33 hours crying, no?

new year's resolutions: lose 25-35 pounds. take yoga and get bendy. quit smoking once and for all. ring in 2011 on my terms.