there isn't an emoticon for this

i'm a bridesmaid in a november 2011 wedding. i have ADORED them both for almost 5 years and am ungodly happy for them. i don't think we'll be friends after the wedding AND i think she's already pulling away. the brideslave stuff is giving me panic attacks on the reg.

i work out-- well and hard-- 4x a week. i follow weight watchers p+ and don't even cheat. i cannot seem to lose weight. i'm still up ~10 pounds from my september low. most of my clothes either don't fit or look assy. i have 11 (or more) fancy events coming up. many of which involve many people i'm not comfortable around.

every ultrasound photo fb profile pic makes me want to scream. so. THERE'S THAT. (18 months and counting. OH THE COUNTING!)

i'm not doing very well in school and it terrifies me. what if i can't get a job??

i hate my job. but it's so comfortable. besides, i'll be our sole wage-earner in the fall. it's not a good time to switch.

i think i'm 154.8 today? but i ran a mile and a half in a row last night. a record for me.

closing night

cookies, 2 (8 p+ each)
pizza, 1 (7 p+)
cake, 1/2 slice (4 p+)

i burned through 49 weeklies AND 17 of my 26 activities. is it any wonder i'm 154.8?

fml

over the weekend (saturday am to monday am weigh-in) i "gained" 6.5 pounds. so far i'm back down 2. this is agonizing.

but surely

less than half a pound lost this week, but with teching/opening the play i directed i ate a bunch of crap and didn't work out. so i'll take my 152.8.

plugging along.