count down to goal

Friday, August 12, 2011

not a pretty girl

okay. so. i am having some... issues. i'm back to about 151, so where i started the 17dd. difference i've noticed? my stomach is flatter when i'm on a super strict diet. everything else is the same. people? i have a small waist to begin with! i'm obviously having some motivation issues, having not run all month and skipped my last 5k last night.

my diet and exercise is not in control and thus, my life feels like everything is all over the place.

lately, i'm also feeling really weird about this body. it is nice, attractive (as long as i work my clothing magic and hide what needs hiding) and gets a lot of attention. NO THANK YOU. really, i hate my body being discussed. my body is not public property.

anyway. i don't know where i'm going or if i'm going to end up back here.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

fuckity fuck fuck fuck (day 17 of 17)


weight: 148.8 (-0.2 since yesterday, -2 overall)
breakfast: 10 raisinettes and 3 mini pretzel twists
lunch: salad with deli turkey
snack: nothing
dinner: chicken with onions and peppers
workout: cleaning

in my head, i am 140 pounds today. none of my clothes fit and i'm shopping for emergency jeans and a dress to wear to my friend's wedding on saturday.

in my head, i finally-- FINALLY-- look a little less pear-shaped and can buy a dress and pants without the usual tears and nausea under the fitting room lights.

in my head, i pick up a clearance bathing suit, too, because mine doesn't fit and i feel like i might want to wear one sometime.

i was supposed to be thinner today. but i'm not.

i do not feel okay. i do not feel like i can get through this and finish this out. i do not believe i will ever be done.

and that makes me really want to quit.

i don't really know what the plan is now. it's my last day of 17dd (ha!) and i've lost 2 pounds. i felt thin about a week ago. i felt great at 145. i don't know what to do now, though. i'm tired.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

(day 16 of 17)


weight: 149 (-0.4 since yesterday, -1.8 overall)
breakfast: fruit smoothies
lunch: ughhhhhhhhhh, no idea
snack: nada
dinner: turkey burgers?
workout: meeting

i hate this. and it's really expensive.

Monday, August 01, 2011

(day 15 of 17)

jesus h. tapdancing christ on a cracker. 149.4. that's up like THREE AND A HALF POUNDS this weekend. of course, it's great to have my ate-and-drank-everything-wrong-all-weekend weight be under 150, but COME ON.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, we're back on the 17dd wagon. but i'll be honest with you, i'm fucking tired of this.