count down to goal

Thursday, May 21, 2009

oh, hai

exercise? what's that? where did my hour-a-day mojo go? i dunno, but as things continue on a slooooooooooooooooooow downward motion, i'm dangerously content. i'm swinging a solid 14 in pants now, which means a 12 in everything else (thighs. of. doom.) and while i would have LOVED to be all thin and dainty this summer, it's almost like NOT being thin and dainty this summer gives me a whole year to do it right. we're buying a recumbent exercise bike and some heavier than 5-pounds weights and i'm eating enough and protein and produce and everything's gonna be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

i just wish i could put a date on it. like, on december 31, 2009, i will be IN SHAPE. wait, is that reasonable? it just seems that no matter what sort of goal i set, it never works out that way.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


my boss is an old friend (and business partner) of my dad's. he must weigh 450 pounds. i had NO IDEA how to react when he commented on my weight this morning. it went like this:

bossman: "you're looking well."
becklette: "..."
bossman: "like you've lost quite a bit of weight."
becklette: "... um?"
bossman: "haven't you?"
becklette: "i guess."
bossman: "you guess?"
becklette: "yes, i have."
bossman: "you're looking well."
becklette: "thank you."
bossman: "how do you feel?"
becklette: "um...? good."

SO uncomfortable. SO. SO. SO.

in totally unrelated news... i walked to the grocery store last night, bought 2 of those little bottles of lemon juice, 2 packs of 3-cup disposable plastic containers and a liter of seltzer and then i walked home. 3 miles round-trip. no longer than my usual walks on the track, but harder, with hills and balancing and carrying things.

this means i (WE?) could conceivably WALK to starbucks on a weekend morning for a light frapp. hoo-ray!

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

like, what's my motivation?

dear becklette:

on sunday it was that creepy blister. on monday you were just too tired. on tuesday it was raining. what will be your excuse tonight?

it's been at least 3 weeks since i did a push-up or sit-up; at least a week since i decided to add squats to my thrice-weekly routine. it's been three days since i've laced up my sneakers and hit the track for even a leisurely walk.

tonight i'm going to sweat-- hard-- for an hour. tonight i'm going to do 30 sit-ups, 15 push-ups and as many squats as i can.

i leave for florida in 21 days-- just enough time to kick my body into some semblance of shape.

my efforts to spend my calories more wisely were going well, and still aren't going too badly. i didn't get up this morning to scramble my egg + white and nuke my facon; instead i ate two crackers. in an hour or so i'll eat one of my leftover mini turkey burgers. (we ate at ruby tuesday last night and i planned for 1/2 a turkey burger wrap, mashed cauliflower and 1/4 of a classic sampler for 775 calories. except they are CURRENTLY changing their menu and the turkey burger wrap exists only in theory as yet. so i got the turkey burger minis and ate 2. which turned out to be 500 calories. which is about 225 more than half the wrap.)

i am tired of this fight. exhausted. i have to fight harder.

Monday, May 04, 2009

april showers bring... may showers?

well, lookie, lookie! it's a ticker that says 60-something pounds lost! thank goodness i made it (by the skin of my teeth) back down here for weigh-in. granted, yesterday i was 173.8, but that's just how it's been lately.

as you can see, non-scale fitness goals remain the same for may as they were for april because of the sickness, the rain and the oh, hey, i actually DO have asthma-- it's not just being fat and smoking (cause, hi, i lost 60 pounds, quite smoking and got in good enough shape to walk 5 miles without having to elevate my feet for the next two days)-- so i have to go to the doctor next week. my doctor is sort of superficial. professionally speaking. she is an adolescent weight loss specialist who offers laser hair & scar removal in her office. she's a southeast asian woman with dyed blond hair and green contact lenses. she can't seem to stop suggesting that i check out weight watchers. she should be really pleased with me, doncha think? i adore external validation...

okay, um, anyway. i didn't go on my 2-hour walk yesterday because i had the strangest blister from saturday's-- it was right behind the ball of my foot and i SWEAR i could hear the fluid squelching around each step i took by the end of my 5 miles at the track. so. gross. but the blister didn't become visible until way later and i thought i was going crazy. any thoughts on how to avoid this oddly place blister? also, i haven't gotten back in the strength-training swing and i HAVE TO do that tonight. 24 days to florida.

so... i'd like to be down to 165 in 3.5 weeks, obviously, but that's unlikely. after that, i want 155 by 4th of july; 145 by labor day; 135 by halloween.

(i shouldn't even jinx myself like that.)

it looks so simple laid out like that, doesn't it? but i know it's not. and there's no reason the next 40 pounds should go EASY. i just... sigh. i'm ready for this struggle to be OVER. or, at least, in maintenance.