curiouser and curiouser

so... i've been less scale-dependent lately. it's a thing. it's about... not letting myself make excuses. i was weighing once a week. then twice. this week, i weighed myself three times.

on saturday morning, i weighed 148.0! i was pleased, to say the least. i went to the gym for my lifting/training session, then ate properly all day, and finished up with a short run in the evening.

on sunday morning, i weighed 149.6. i was still pleased, but confused. however, every muscle in my body felt like it was knotted up. water weight. i went on to eat... fine. didn't count like i should have, but not crazy.

this morning? 150.2. huh. i ate breakfast at home and packed a lunch. i'm all planned and counted for the day including a short run per my schedule tonight. i still hurt everywhere.

so. what i'm thinking is... as i understand it, stressing the muscles causes microscopic tears in the muscle fiber, which retains water to re-knit the muscle stronger. that's why when you first start exercising, you gain a bit of weight. but with my brother-trainer, we lift to absolute fatigue every week. the whole point is that the body never gets used to what we're doing. so every week the muscles tear, retain water, cause small gains. and the next day or the day after that is weigh-in day.

my first instinct was to move weigh-in to saturday.

but what's the point? a small push now? i'm doing fine. probably great. i'm really losing weight at a healthy pace even after 4.5 years of this shit. this is good.

NEXT week, my real weigh-in will be in the 140s. for sure.

so, we host fathers' day and we had a taco bar yesterday. it was great! but i made too. much. food. for the next couple days it's tex-mex 3 meals a day. today i had a little refried bean burrito for breakfast (fat free, of course), pack rice and beans for lunch and will have a big-ass salad for dinner.

...

oh, one last thing. we got great portraits taken of us. i wore a dress that... apparently does not flatter. my legs look like tree trunks! i need a full-length mirror.

yesterday

yesterday's weigh in: 152.2 (an obvious consequence of how lazy i was with my monthly goals)

yesterday's 5k time: 45ish minutes (unofficial, obvs)

yesterday's agenda: the girl who played with fire and the girl who kicked the hornet's nest in the original swedish (the movies, obvs)

yesterday's food: a humungo diner breakfast, leftover weight watchers pasta primavera, fat free brownie, vanilla ice cream bon bon, peanuts

yesterday's drink: mimosas! (2) and water water water.

now i'm back to regularly scheduled life. breakfasts and lunches are made, dinners are planned, need to plan workouts today.


..........


i approximated running the whole time. k (my friend) ran ahead when i started to flag in the second mile. she kept the 13 minute mile pace the whole time. bk (my brother: big k) stuck with me, even though it was probably harder for him to go increasingly slower each mile than it would have been to finish in 20 minutes. my cousin ck (coach k) who coached bk in high school track was there unexpectedly. he finished in a slow 21:something but stuck around for 25 minutes to hand me a water bottle--opened! how thoughtful-- at the finish line.

dudes, it was hot as shit out. i sweated buckets. and the sun, oh god, the sun. and the HILLS. i wish i lived in jersey. where it's flat.

but i ran it.

now i need some synthetic running gear or i will surely die this summer.

cannot believe

... my weight continued to drop yesterday. 152.6 for the official weigh-in this week. down 1.2, i think?

srsly?

154.4 today. the moral of the story is that i am not doing well. i can't seem to get it together. i don't know why. i think... all that time i thought i HAD to finish losing weight before grad school, i was probably right.

balls.

meh

saturday morning i was down to 150.4. this morning, officially, i was 152.8... not less than january 1, not less at all. the same. we ate three meals at restaurants this weekend, plus one from a convenience store and a good deal of booze. and i'm still down a reasonable about, even though the daily weigh-ins showed me that my weight was unnaturally night before.

i would have loved to have 152.0 today, but i bet there will be a tuesday drop.

lately, i feel very much like a grown up in my relationship with consumption... i'm more budget and space conscious. and my tastes are maturing. specifically, my taste in food & drink. lately i'm enjoying: root veggies, cooked greens, baby arugula, baby spinach, quail, pheasant, rabbit, venison, frou-frou cheeses, black coffee, dark chocolate and red wine.

i'm not sure if my growing-up taste if food is going to help me lose weight, but it's certainly making me feel better about me & food.

6 weeks.

progress

okay. wanna know something totally gross? i slept through the night last night and woke up with YELLOW SNOT! yellow snot is The Official Symptom Of The Beginning Of The End Of A Cold. and i haz it.

starting tuesday i've made myself nut up and eat real food, not comfort food, and drink water, not juice. it's been rough, but i'm making it. AND i'm losing weight.

i'm not sure how the weekend is going to shake out just yet, but i'm likely to have to do most of last weekend's canceled activities, plus those planned for this weekend. so, yeah, that's a lot. but i'm also going to the BNGS gym again to make the arc trainer my bitch. the goal of the arc trainer situation is to eventually get up to an hour of that and knock out like 600 calories in each workout. also to get back some lower bod & cardio strength for (another) triumphant return to running in march.

so... better. i feel better. i've done a good deal of schoolwork for the week so i can focus on 2 major assignments due on tuesday. and i'm not in a fight with my scale any more. hooray. next week's weigh in might even be-- gasp!-- less than january 1!

did it!

3/4 of a mile in. a. row.

took me 14 minutes-- that's about a minute shy of my walking pace. i don't care, though, because increasing my distance by 1/4 mile a week means i'll be jogging 5 miles by december. it means the 5k i'd been daydreaming about running with my friends and family for my birthday can be a TENk.

i just told my trainer-brother that i want to run the 5k in our town this november.

153.8. whatthefuckever.

better

153.0 today. that's better. i planned this morning to get a cupcake today and shaved a few calories off the plan to that end, but turns out i forgot to take the pork chops out of the freezer. whoops. so we'll get pizza.

the weather is cooling down today and, provided it's not pouring, we'll walk tonight and i'll jog tomorrow & sunday. think i can pull 3/4 of a mile??

rice & beans

if i took one thing away from my vacation in puerto rico it's that a frozen rum beverage followed by a nap is the. best. afternoon. ever. if i took TWO things, the other is the rice & beans = win. so i'm on a mission to get this magical combo of unspectacular foods into our life. to that end, i bought (among other ingredients) a package of instant ortega black beans & rice.

ummm, and today i'm puffed up like a thanksgiving parade float. ortega rice & beans? not my friend.

so, i actually weighed in at 155.0 this morning, which made me really not want to go to the track. but i was up and feeling like a cow so i did.

i jogged 1/2 a mile in a row again and then walked another quarter before heading home. total time working out: 30 minutes. friday's workout plan is to job the half, walk a quarter and then jog another quarter. (my jogging pace? is approximately a 14 minute mile. i'm pretty pleased with that.)

so i weighed myself post-jog and more naked to a pretty reasonable 153.4. i did not pack the rice & beans for lunch. instead i pulled together some fruit and nonfat greek yogurt. mmmmm. yogurt. the rest of the week needs to be awesomely clean because we have a weekend family reunion/drunkfest this weekend and we both REALLY need to get some motivation on the scale friday morning.

so.

i'm not feeling great about the scale, but i DO feel great about jogging. i'm going to break 150 this week. i'm pretty sure.

what the---?

i went to the track this morning: jogged 1/4, walked 1/4, jogged 1/4, walked 1/4, jogged 1/8, walked 1/8. did it. later we'll go for a hike. i would love to do some push-ups and sit-ups but am having this alarming pain in my wrist, so it will just be sit-ups.

and in case this doesn't carry over to weigh-in, i want the record to show that today i weighed 151.0 pounds. which means i'm down 4.6 pounds from last week and that if i manage to lose a teeny bit today i will be showing a 5-pound loss for july despite having maintained for the first several weeks.

jogging weather

i'm a fair-weather jogger. that's got to change. but today, tomorrow and sunday should be within my limited jogging weather, so i'll get a lot of workouts in.

152.4 today. still gunning for 152.0 on monday. this week is going to have to be very "clean" foodwise because of a family reunion weekend out of town.

now i'll make my grocery list!

i didn't earn this

i went to bed early last night so i could get up early and hit the track. i did that thing where i made sure i was thinking about waking up at 5:30 while i fell asleep. at 5:15 i woke up, and then i fell back asleep and had this incredibly vivid dream that i (not we) adopted a newborn. i woke up a LEETLE stressed... at 6:15.

balls.

i overate last night, too. not a ton, two or three hundred calories of sweets and tortilla chips. my husband went out. i wonder if that's boredom eating, lonesome eating or sneak eating?

and today i'm down to 152.2. if i hit 152.0 tomorrow, i'm going to adjust to 151.6 for monday so i don't look at the weekend as a freebie.

TODAY:

• actually stay in my calorie range
• drink a boatload of water
• that's it cause i have plans tonight and a very early morning

whoops

and... then i didn't walk last night OR jog this morning.

TODAY:

1. don't eat beyond plan
2. drink loads of water
3. walk
4. sit-ups and push-ups
5. get to bed early for a morning workout!

today's weight, btw? 152.8. ABUH? whatever. my goal for this week is 152.6. that's my goal. and i have 6 days to get there.

lmp

i read somewhere, a long time ago, the the first day of your period is the day to start a new diet because... i forget. whatever. does it matter? those little things stick in your head.

the past two weeks i've been lethargic and weird. off my game, for sure. i couldn't recall the date of my last period. i imagined asking for a peestick at my lady doctor appointment tomorrow (last shot!). i was pretty sure that bottle of rum/that bed with an ocean view/that six days of relaxation was going to leave me considering fajardo as a middle name for an actual human child.

meanwhile, i made my lunches for the week, slept in my workout clothes and set an alarm for 6am.

at 5:55 i got my period. of course. a relief, but also... i dunno. i'd have to get pregnant by accident to ever be pregnant, i think, so part of me sort of hopes.

...

i went to the track anyway. it was shy of 75* and it felt sooooooo gooooooooooooood. i jogged 1/4 mile TWICE with one walked in between. and i walked the 3/4 of a mile round-trip. so 1.5 miles down by 6:45 in the morning!

so this weekend i managed to eat fairly well, if high sodium, walk once (last night) and prep my lunches.

and? i maintained. 154.6.

this week i'm going to the track every morning, and jogging at least 1/2 mile, at least 3 of those mornings. i'm eating my planned foods. and i'm walking with my husband. back in the game.

...

there will be a pool party at my in-laws in 5 weeks. my sister-in-law is coming to visit. if i buckle the fuck down i can maybe make it to 145.

goal for this week is 152.6.

steady

last night was not ideal in a lot of ways, and i'm up .2 pounds today. no big. except, now it's thursday and i'm trying to lose like 1.5 pounds by monday?

today, despite a long-planned pizza dinner, is back-on-track day with careful eating, exercise and water drinking. and going out to buy ice cream cause it's the last night of the 2 for $5 edy's slow-churned sale!

so... i haven't mapped out my foods and such but i'm going to do that now and hope that in my mild hang-over this morning, i planned a somewhat balanced diet.

surprisingly good news

dude, man, you're not going to believe this. as of today, i am de-puffed and weighing less than i did before i left for puerto rico.

new diet plan: up early. huge breakfast. walk all morning. fried snack with blended rum beverage. nap. read. dinner of whatever sounds good, in moderation. cuba libre. cuba libre. cuba libre. read. asleep by 10.

okay, the truth is that we only ate 3 full meals ONE DAY on vacation. likewise, we only ate dessert ONE DAY (small ice cream cones). we also got a fair amount of exercise walking around the resort, old san juan (and the fort!), hiking in the rainforest and on my two trips to the fitness center.

but i certainly didn't expect to be up only 1.5 pounds. or DOWN once i lost my plane-puff.

today will be another slightly-off day. we don't have all the groceries we need yet since i only went to the produce store yesterday. today i'll hit tj's. tonight we plan to walk and do strength training. so. yeah.

now that i've more or less taken a week off i'm going to have to reevaluate my plans. next up? in 18 days we've got a family reunion. i'd like to be under 150 then, so goal for this week is 153.0. or a loss of another 1.6 pounds.

what i ate on my summer vacation

that's me. approximately 155 pounds (or -81) on my way to the fitness center on the first morning in puerto rico.

are you jealous of my dedication?

don't be. it only happened one more time.

HOWEVER.

both times? i jogged 1/4 mile in. a. row. JELUS?


so... post vacation i'm up to 156.4! that's SO GOOD. i mean, unless you're thinking, bitch, you were in the 150.somethings two weeks ago... which, well, yeah. and then i was in the 155.somethings when i left and today i'm WAY puffy.

(the junkiest food we ate was at the airport yesterday. it might as well have been mc d's.)

okay. as for what i actually ate. mornings meant eggs, fruit and a stray piece of bacon, sausage or potato. oh, GOD, and the coffee. lunch varied from clif z-bars to plantain chips & salsa to local beers, a fritter sampler and a puerto rican side dish sampler. (fritter, yes, means TOTALLY FRIED EVERYTHING. it was delicious.) dinners were: fried "native cheese" and a meaty flatbread pizza with a blended rum/fruit drink; peanut butter and clif bars with, well, SEVERAL cuba libres; fried native cheese with a chicken pesto panini, fries and a cuba libre; half a chicken & rice wrap and a nature valley bar; fritter sampler and half a southwestern wrap with fries and a mojito. oh, and an ice cream cone.

we went to the beach all of ONCE (the beach was on a private island and required a serious trek through the resort, a funicular ride, a wait for the ferry and a ferry ride) and the pool NONE. but we went hiking in the rainforest and spent a day in old san juan. we even got a couple's massage (hub's first!). aside from the systematic over charging and the feeling that we were about to get completely screwed, it was pretty freaking awesome.

and. i'm only up a pound and a half.

so, i'm taking running up, for real, now. like. today. because i totally can!

math FAIL

okay, okay, TODAY i'm exactly four pounds higher than i want to weigh on tuesday morning! 153.8. yesterday it was 5. UGH.

so, i'm doing fine. i'm filling up with fresh fruits and veggies (5-6 servings a day!) during work and enjoying husband-grilled dinners. there may be some slips involving leftover chocolate cheesecake, homemade peanut butter cookies and some edy's apple pie ice cream. but they have been TINY slips and, frankly, you save a lot of calories when you eat a pound and a half of fresh produce for breakfast + lunch + snacks.

it's be about a zillion degrees around here lately, so exercise isn't what it should be. but because it's been so hot, i've been experimenting with skirts and... damn. i think i'm about to buy some shorts! i don't hate my legs (except the part that will be covered by a 5" inseam)!

oh, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, hold on to your hats, ladies, i'm going to POST A PICTURE!! tonight or this weekend. because tonight my husband is buying us a new camera while i'm having my biweekly chat with dr. y! and if you gush and stuff, i might even post some from my fabulous tropical vacation NEXT WEEK.

meantime... yeah. i have a few trouble spots, and 15 or so stubborn pounds, but i feel pretty good.

despite wanting the scale to be much lowered by tuesday.

because i blew it this weekend

i haven't seen the 155.somethings in a while. i mean, except this morning. yeah, that sucked.

i really blew it this weekend. like, whoa. like i drank a bottle of wine, single-handedly, on two separate occasions. i had a sneak-eat attack on some rice krispie treats at a barbecue where i ALSO found myself sitting, shoveling ruffles into my mouth. and, after resolving to turn the weekend around on saturday, i ate two LARGE dinners worth of food at my parents' last night.

today, i've packed myself a POUND AND A HALF (literally) of fresh, raw produce. yes, that's what i plan on eating from 9 to 5. four ounces each of: green peppers, cauliflower, carrots, pineapple, strawberries and grapes. (red, orange, yellow, green, er, white and violet. a good showing by the rainbow.) dinner is grilled ham and broccoli. water is my friend.

still hope

up to 152.4 today! not cool, body. not cool, self, who ordered the mu shu vegetables.

anyway. onward and downward. tonight i'll have a baked panko-crusted chicken cutlet, a small serving of pasta and salad, salad, salad. tomorrow i'll bring a veggie tray to the barbecue. sunday and monday will be all about produce, hydration and exercise.

btw, can i say this? i'm super-happy for all my newly engaged friends (we're at that age and there are four weddings brewing, plus one or two more engagements on the horizon), but... mildly jealous? i dunno, man, getting married asap was important five years ago because ooh, we were sooo in loooooove (still are!) but it would have been nice to be, like, a fully formed adult at the time. and thinner.

anywho. 150.4? eeep. but i've got 4 days.