count down to goal

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

fuckity fuck fuck fuck (day 17 of 17)


weight: 148.8 (-0.2 since yesterday, -2 overall)
breakfast: 10 raisinettes and 3 mini pretzel twists
lunch: salad with deli turkey
snack: nothing
dinner: chicken with onions and peppers
workout: cleaning

in my head, i am 140 pounds today. none of my clothes fit and i'm shopping for emergency jeans and a dress to wear to my friend's wedding on saturday.

in my head, i finally-- FINALLY-- look a little less pear-shaped and can buy a dress and pants without the usual tears and nausea under the fitting room lights.

in my head, i pick up a clearance bathing suit, too, because mine doesn't fit and i feel like i might want to wear one sometime.

i was supposed to be thinner today. but i'm not.

i do not feel okay. i do not feel like i can get through this and finish this out. i do not believe i will ever be done.

and that makes me really want to quit.

i don't really know what the plan is now. it's my last day of 17dd (ha!) and i've lost 2 pounds. i felt thin about a week ago. i felt great at 145. i don't know what to do now, though. i'm tired.

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