i'm awesome

okay, so today is supposed to be a rest day, but since i didn't DO anything to rest FROM, it's going to be a half-hour walk day. (seriously, i don't need TWO rest days in a week when i walk a total of two hours and forty minutes.)

i packed a pretty good day:

• fiber & flax cereal, 200c
• tomato & fresh mozzarella salad, 300c
• greek yogurt, 120c

yeah, not great, i know. some fruit wouldn't kill me (or is it veg i need here? what do tomatoes COUNT as, REALLY?) and i would have preferred an egg for breakfast, but we haven't been to the produce stand and i ran late this morning. i'm REALLY excited about the fresh mozz balls packed in lightly salted water from tj's. the serving size is 3 balls for 60 calories, but the important thing is that i don't have a food scale, so i can't just weigh out an ounce like most kinds want you to. so, hooray. i'll have caprese again tomorrow, probably on a bed of spring mix and with heirloom tomatoes. nom. wednesday could go either way, and thursday and friday should be chicken salad.

as for dinners... i have no idea.

as for the rest of life... i'm working on it.

perfectionist

i'm a little bit of a perfectionist (sometimes). one of the things i'm REALLY anal about things that i've baked to give away. those pb brownies? i screwed up when i was cutting them so i ended up with lots of end bits and trimmed pieces. i wrapped them in foil for my husband.

i ate them, obviously. well, some of them. eventually, i made a wholesome dinner and tossed the rest before i could consider dessert (AGAIN). oh, and i didn't eat my yogurt & apple yesterday-- just not hungry-- so at least i saved 200 calories. which i then consumed in nutrition-free form. gah.

today was another rush job:

• 3/8 cup fiber & flax cereal, 100c
• honey flavored greek yogurt, 120c
• 12 grape tomatoes, 25c
• egg salad (2 eggs, 1/2 tbs mayo, mustard), 225c
• celery, 15c? i forget

dinner at my grandma's favorite local italian place will likely be a side of gnocchi and a caeser salad. halfathon training starts monday! i need a poncho...

"i've been meaning to tell you..."

yesterday afternoon, a coworker stopped by my office to tell me she'd noticed how good i looked. it wasn't TOOOOO awkward. but then i felt like crap because i'd eaten chicken nuggets, 1/2 a black and white shake and 1/2 an order of fries for lunch. crap.

i have a planning problem. i can only plan for one contingency. like yesterday. my girlfriend came into town to meet me for lunch (she works second shift), like we do about once a week. normally we go to the teeny, fair-trade, veganish coffee shop. we each get a multi grain bagel with veggie cream cheese. she has a coffee, i have an iced cafe au lait with splenda and skim. yesterday, though, i was going to get a slice of broccoli quiche on a bed of spring mix. but they were closed. for vacation. so we headed towards the place that serves the best chicken ceasar salad in town-- i get it dry and crutonless. but they were packed. so we went to the nearest place: the small-chain burger joint. so we shared the fries and shake, but the sugar bug had me.

i tried to compensate by eating a huge bowl of tomatoes dressed with olive oil, s&p and fresh basil for dinner with a 45 calorie hebrew national hot dog for protein. i took two bites of my husband's mac & cheese, and felt fine about that. but later, i made peanut butter brownies for my fil. he's laid up after ankle surgery and my husband is taking him to a follow-up appointment right now. last week i sent him his favorite pumpkin custard. this week, peanut butter brownies. except, oh, the licks, the tastes. i went to bed with a stomachache.

lots and lots of things i can bake with only one taste (a fingertip) to make sure some part of it it right-- i tend to read measurements like "one teaspoon" and "a splash" so sometimes added flavors aren't quite right. but brownie batter? i lurve it. and peanut butter? my fave.

this morning i was rushed, but i think i made out all right:

• 3/4 cup of the fiber & flax cereal i'll never buy again (it's sweetened!), 200c
• honey-flavor 0% greek yogurt, 120c
• 1.75 oz. container of peanut butter, 300c
• celery (3 5ish" pieces), 10c
• 10 grape tomatoes, 20c
• an apple, 80c

so... okay, i guess 730 calories isn't GREAT for my up-til-dinner eating, but i've got enough food to last me the day, for sure. maybe i'll make some popcorn while i cook dinner? eh. i will if i'm hungry. if not, i'll eat a 500 calorie dinner. what. ever.

oh, hey. so this walking 1/2 marathon THING. i'm doing this training schedule with the hopes of walking this half marathon on a christmassy visit to my mother-in-law. does anyone want to, umm, i dunno, train with me??

oh shit

i think i'm going to do a training program to WALK a half-marathon. now, to find a walking-friendly half to sign up for -- late november, early december?

back-on-track-drop

i love that feeling in the first couple of days back on track after a week (or two) way off. the part where you drop two pounds in two days by doing practically nothing.

sooooo...

i suck at this. but i'm making progress. i got m&ms at the craft store last night (i also got a 12-pack of gel food dye! and molds for chocolate dessert shells! and a cookie dough scooper!) but split them with my husband. i got chicken nuggets (instead of the cheeseburger salad) for dinner, but no fries or shake! and later, when i was hungry, i had a scrambled egg and a strawberry.

if i don't keep going now, i'm afraid i'll gain it back. or i'll never finish. but i feel like crap.

miss universe

for september 22, 2009: 165 pounds.

yesterday: i miscalculated my calories and ended up over goal by 90. and they were from one of those single-serving tubs of ben & jerry's. yum. the spoon it comes with is like eating ice cream off a thumbnail-- it's really that little. but i did go on a 30 minute walk.

today i had tot be at work early, so i grabbed some of the new tj's flax cereal i bought. it was sweetened. bummer. on to greek yogurt, chicken salad salad, tomatoes and dinner tbd.

in other news...

the competitor from venezuela won the miss universe contest AGAIN this year.


shortly after my grandfather died, i started spending a lot of nights at my grandmother's house-- i did up until i moved in with my husband about 3 1/4 years ago. i remember one night, about ten years ago, watching the miss universe pageant. miss venezuela was, as always (as they all are), stunningly beautiful.


"you could have a cute little figure like that miss venezuela," my grandmother told me, as we munched on our pretzels and ice cream.


i doubt, at the time, that i weighed more than 150 pounds. but, naturally, i felt HUMONGOUS. those women weight much less than me and were all at least 4 inches taller. i felt like a beast.


i still feel like a beast some times. i know my grandmother is thrilled with my weight loss-- we are italian, though, so that's balanced with an insistance that i need to eat more-- but i still couldn't fit into her wedding dress.


on sunday, at my parents' house, she rubbed her (considerable, but hey, she's nearing eighty!) abdomen and announced, "i gotta get rid of this BELLY. how'd you do it?" ummm, diet and exercise. and tight, high-waisted jeans, it's like wearing a girdle.

aaaaaaaaaaand we're back

i forgot weigh-ins are on tuesday now. so, tomorrow you get the bad news.

in four weeks i'll have been married for THREE YEARS. i'm 25. is that weird? it FEELS weird.

i'm going low on carbs-- basically avoiding having more than one or two servings of carb exchanges a day and making sure there's protein and/or fiber in serious amounts at every meal. that works for me. water, coffee and club soda are my only beverages and i WILL get back to the track.

i think my goal is to weigh 164 on my anniversary. that will be revised based on tomorrows numbers, of course.