i don't know where to go with this

so. hi. how are you? (i'm just kidding-- i know how you are because i still read all your blogs.)

today is the last day of april, which means my monthly weight report is coming up on monday. and i really, well, i really have no idea what it's going to be. yes, i still weigh myself daily, but my weight has been INSANELY erratic lately. (is that redundant?) i've been bouncing between 174.4 and 176.8 for like two weeks. and it just doesn't make sense.

i eat between 1200 and 1300 calories every day. i walk or stepper-dance* for at least 45 minutes a day-- 2 hours a day on the weekends. i drink tons of water. the only thing i'm not keeping up with is my strength training because i was sick last week and my husband is sick this week and sure, one of us COULD CONCEIVABLY workout by ourselves, but if that was seriously plausible we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with, ya know? anyway, i'm back at it today with or without him because we're going to florida in 29 days and deargodalmighty bathing suits.

(*stepper-dancing is when i hop on my mini-stepper and blast sublime in my ears and dance my pants off. you would not believe how sweaty i get.)

so. we'll see. monday might be very happy or not as happy. i would like very much to be <165 by our trip, which seems very attainable some days and less so other days, which is why i'm working out so much (and please don't give me any shit about the calorie range, i see a registered dietitian and you are not she). plus, oh my god, it makes me HAPPY. and ENERGETIC. and CONFIDENT. and since i've been working out daily (2 weeks before easter) i've been asked what my secret is about a thousand times ("these jeans are just REALLY FLATTERING") and called "the incredible shrinking woman" and "skinny bitch" by all my nearest and dearest... and i've lost basically NO WEIGHT.

i do feel really great. but i think i'd feel better if i could pour myself into some 14s.