jogging weather

i'm a fair-weather jogger. that's got to change. but today, tomorrow and sunday should be within my limited jogging weather, so i'll get a lot of workouts in.

152.4 today. still gunning for 152.0 on monday. this week is going to have to be very "clean" foodwise because of a family reunion weekend out of town.

now i'll make my grocery list!

i didn't earn this

i went to bed early last night so i could get up early and hit the track. i did that thing where i made sure i was thinking about waking up at 5:30 while i fell asleep. at 5:15 i woke up, and then i fell back asleep and had this incredibly vivid dream that i (not we) adopted a newborn. i woke up a LEETLE stressed... at 6:15.

balls.

i overate last night, too. not a ton, two or three hundred calories of sweets and tortilla chips. my husband went out. i wonder if that's boredom eating, lonesome eating or sneak eating?

and today i'm down to 152.2. if i hit 152.0 tomorrow, i'm going to adjust to 151.6 for monday so i don't look at the weekend as a freebie.

TODAY:

• actually stay in my calorie range
• drink a boatload of water
• that's it cause i have plans tonight and a very early morning

shame

mostly stayed in my calories.

walked.

didn't do sit-ups and push-ups due to being a cry baby over my final hpv vaccine shot. (motherfucker HURTS. STILL.) why get the vaccine for a virus i already have? because we assume my husband also has it and, if the odds are in my favor and the leep actually causes it to clear out, my husband and i could just keep reinfecting each other... forever. delightful, no? apparently, though, each of the 3 shots hurts worse than the previous one. i remember #1 hurt for about a month but i don't remember #2 hurting at all. #3 made me say "holy SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIT!" as the needle was withdrawn.

didn't wake up and go to the track. dunno why. feel crummy.

152.4. i'm adjusting the goal for this week to 152.0. because i already met 152.6.

whoops

and... then i didn't walk last night OR jog this morning.

TODAY:

1. don't eat beyond plan
2. drink loads of water
3. walk
4. sit-ups and push-ups
5. get to bed early for a morning workout!

today's weight, btw? 152.8. ABUH? whatever. my goal for this week is 152.6. that's my goal. and i have 6 days to get there.

lmp

i read somewhere, a long time ago, the the first day of your period is the day to start a new diet because... i forget. whatever. does it matter? those little things stick in your head.

the past two weeks i've been lethargic and weird. off my game, for sure. i couldn't recall the date of my last period. i imagined asking for a peestick at my lady doctor appointment tomorrow (last shot!). i was pretty sure that bottle of rum/that bed with an ocean view/that six days of relaxation was going to leave me considering fajardo as a middle name for an actual human child.

meanwhile, i made my lunches for the week, slept in my workout clothes and set an alarm for 6am.

at 5:55 i got my period. of course. a relief, but also... i dunno. i'd have to get pregnant by accident to ever be pregnant, i think, so part of me sort of hopes.

...

i went to the track anyway. it was shy of 75* and it felt sooooooo gooooooooooooood. i jogged 1/4 mile TWICE with one walked in between. and i walked the 3/4 of a mile round-trip. so 1.5 miles down by 6:45 in the morning!

so this weekend i managed to eat fairly well, if high sodium, walk once (last night) and prep my lunches.

and? i maintained. 154.6.

this week i'm going to the track every morning, and jogging at least 1/2 mile, at least 3 of those mornings. i'm eating my planned foods. and i'm walking with my husband. back in the game.

...

there will be a pool party at my in-laws in 5 weeks. my sister-in-law is coming to visit. if i buckle the fuck down i can maybe make it to 145.

goal for this week is 152.6.

wherein i give myself a stern talking-to

okay. i do not know whatthefuck my problem is. where did exercising-- even just a pleasure stroll-- every day go?? where did fruits and veggies and lean proteins go?? when did i start eating REGULAR peanut butter and snacks before dinner and snack after dinner??

i'm maintaining. i maintained on vacation. this is a good thing. except i still WANT to be losing. 153.0? is not likely to come by monday. last night, after therapy, i ate a bag of peanut m&m's. the almost fit in my calories and did fit in my nutrients, but damn. i don't DO that.

tomorrow we have a wedding. we'll walk tonight and tomorrow i'll hit the track. tomorrow, i'm going to jog 1/2 a mile (separated). am.

we have no idea what will be served at this wedding-- it's an outdoor hippie wedding in a park, no rsvp required-- but i'm going to plan the rest of my food so that i don't NEED a lot of fiber or protein from that meal.

and i think i'll dance my pants off.

planning ahead helps me. sunday i will make lunches for the week. and a dinner plan. will.

i have to get back on track RIGHTNOW.

steady

last night was not ideal in a lot of ways, and i'm up .2 pounds today. no big. except, now it's thursday and i'm trying to lose like 1.5 pounds by monday?

today, despite a long-planned pizza dinner, is back-on-track day with careful eating, exercise and water drinking. and going out to buy ice cream cause it's the last night of the 2 for $5 edy's slow-churned sale!

so... i haven't mapped out my foods and such but i'm going to do that now and hope that in my mild hang-over this morning, i planned a somewhat balanced diet.

emotional

i'm having a rough time at work. i'm the entirety of my company and it's just not really working out for me. that vacation? i went in for a couple hours last monday. i haven't taken a full week off in four years. that was my honeymoon and i called in every day to the temp.

anyway. i begin to wonder if i'll ever be able to have it under control, or ever be happy at a job, if i can manage grad school, if grad school is a waste of money, if i'm really better suited to sahm-hood... i get anxious. and depressed. and occasionally i eat.

but i'm pulling through. is okay.

surprisingly good news

dude, man, you're not going to believe this. as of today, i am de-puffed and weighing less than i did before i left for puerto rico.

new diet plan: up early. huge breakfast. walk all morning. fried snack with blended rum beverage. nap. read. dinner of whatever sounds good, in moderation. cuba libre. cuba libre. cuba libre. read. asleep by 10.

okay, the truth is that we only ate 3 full meals ONE DAY on vacation. likewise, we only ate dessert ONE DAY (small ice cream cones). we also got a fair amount of exercise walking around the resort, old san juan (and the fort!), hiking in the rainforest and on my two trips to the fitness center.

but i certainly didn't expect to be up only 1.5 pounds. or DOWN once i lost my plane-puff.

today will be another slightly-off day. we don't have all the groceries we need yet since i only went to the produce store yesterday. today i'll hit tj's. tonight we plan to walk and do strength training. so. yeah.

now that i've more or less taken a week off i'm going to have to reevaluate my plans. next up? in 18 days we've got a family reunion. i'd like to be under 150 then, so goal for this week is 153.0. or a loss of another 1.6 pounds.

what i ate on my summer vacation

that's me. approximately 155 pounds (or -81) on my way to the fitness center on the first morning in puerto rico.

are you jealous of my dedication?

don't be. it only happened one more time.

HOWEVER.

both times? i jogged 1/4 mile in. a. row. JELUS?


so... post vacation i'm up to 156.4! that's SO GOOD. i mean, unless you're thinking, bitch, you were in the 150.somethings two weeks ago... which, well, yeah. and then i was in the 155.somethings when i left and today i'm WAY puffy.

(the junkiest food we ate was at the airport yesterday. it might as well have been mc d's.)

okay. as for what i actually ate. mornings meant eggs, fruit and a stray piece of bacon, sausage or potato. oh, GOD, and the coffee. lunch varied from clif z-bars to plantain chips & salsa to local beers, a fritter sampler and a puerto rican side dish sampler. (fritter, yes, means TOTALLY FRIED EVERYTHING. it was delicious.) dinners were: fried "native cheese" and a meaty flatbread pizza with a blended rum/fruit drink; peanut butter and clif bars with, well, SEVERAL cuba libres; fried native cheese with a chicken pesto panini, fries and a cuba libre; half a chicken & rice wrap and a nature valley bar; fritter sampler and half a southwestern wrap with fries and a mojito. oh, and an ice cream cone.

we went to the beach all of ONCE (the beach was on a private island and required a serious trek through the resort, a funicular ride, a wait for the ferry and a ferry ride) and the pool NONE. but we went hiking in the rainforest and spent a day in old san juan. we even got a couple's massage (hub's first!). aside from the systematic over charging and the feeling that we were about to get completely screwed, it was pretty freaking awesome.

and. i'm only up a pound and a half.

so, i'm taking running up, for real, now. like. today. because i totally can!

my favorite things

look, we're friends, right? you love me, inasmuch as you can LOVE someone you don't know. or whatever. i have to tell you something:

i have been living, very comfortably, in about 2004.

my computer, my DESKTOP computer, is the one my parents bought me for college. when i went to college. eight years ago.

my phone? free with plan. it's a nokia candybar. no camera. no fancy ringtone. at least three years old.

and my camera, well, it took a shower. twice. that's my own stupid fault, but STILL.

and as of yesterday? i'm nearly caught up. the above shiny red camera was my favorite toy for about two hours... until my parents came over with "a little something [they] picked up in amish country" for me.

i wish i could stun you with a picture, but i can't find one.

here we go.

it's...

wait for it...

a goddamned laptop computer. top of the everything new new new. it's beautiful. for school. i could just die.

i swear i haven't forgotten about the picture, though.

153.6. birthday party tonight. and i'm considering not drinking...

math FAIL

okay, okay, TODAY i'm exactly four pounds higher than i want to weigh on tuesday morning! 153.8. yesterday it was 5. UGH.

so, i'm doing fine. i'm filling up with fresh fruits and veggies (5-6 servings a day!) during work and enjoying husband-grilled dinners. there may be some slips involving leftover chocolate cheesecake, homemade peanut butter cookies and some edy's apple pie ice cream. but they have been TINY slips and, frankly, you save a lot of calories when you eat a pound and a half of fresh produce for breakfast + lunch + snacks.

it's be about a zillion degrees around here lately, so exercise isn't what it should be. but because it's been so hot, i've been experimenting with skirts and... damn. i think i'm about to buy some shorts! i don't hate my legs (except the part that will be covered by a 5" inseam)!

oh, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, hold on to your hats, ladies, i'm going to POST A PICTURE!! tonight or this weekend. because tonight my husband is buying us a new camera while i'm having my biweekly chat with dr. y! and if you gush and stuff, i might even post some from my fabulous tropical vacation NEXT WEEK.

meantime... yeah. i have a few trouble spots, and 15 or so stubborn pounds, but i feel pretty good.

despite wanting the scale to be much lowered by tuesday.

eh

today i'm exactly four pounds heavier than i want to be in 6 days. i like to think i wouldn't be stressing this if not for the fact that this time LAST week i was well on my way. i had like a pound to go.

way to fuck that up, self.

because i blew it this weekend

i haven't seen the 155.somethings in a while. i mean, except this morning. yeah, that sucked.

i really blew it this weekend. like, whoa. like i drank a bottle of wine, single-handedly, on two separate occasions. i had a sneak-eat attack on some rice krispie treats at a barbecue where i ALSO found myself sitting, shoveling ruffles into my mouth. and, after resolving to turn the weekend around on saturday, i ate two LARGE dinners worth of food at my parents' last night.

today, i've packed myself a POUND AND A HALF (literally) of fresh, raw produce. yes, that's what i plan on eating from 9 to 5. four ounces each of: green peppers, cauliflower, carrots, pineapple, strawberries and grapes. (red, orange, yellow, green, er, white and violet. a good showing by the rainbow.) dinner is grilled ham and broccoli. water is my friend.

still hope

up to 152.4 today! not cool, body. not cool, self, who ordered the mu shu vegetables.

anyway. onward and downward. tonight i'll have a baked panko-crusted chicken cutlet, a small serving of pasta and salad, salad, salad. tomorrow i'll bring a veggie tray to the barbecue. sunday and monday will be all about produce, hydration and exercise.

btw, can i say this? i'm super-happy for all my newly engaged friends (we're at that age and there are four weddings brewing, plus one or two more engagements on the horizon), but... mildly jealous? i dunno, man, getting married asap was important five years ago because ooh, we were sooo in loooooove (still are!) but it would have been nice to be, like, a fully formed adult at the time. and thinner.

anywho. 150.4? eeep. but i've got 4 days.

baker's remorse

so, i make this... confection. we call it double-cake, which is pretty uncreative, but whatever. it's a cheesecake with a cake on top. and it always ends up garnished with something else (butterscotch pudding, chocolate ganache, pretzels, strawberries...). it's really good, but it's an enormous pain in the ass to make. so, of course, i have to make it for my husband's birthday. of course.

since we're going out to dinner tonight, and then to liquor wonderland to stock up, i started the cake last night. this year's cake is a chocolate cheesecake with a peanut butter cookie crust, banana cake, chocolate ganache and a peanut butter drizzle. so, feeling very clever, i picked up sutter's formula peanut butter cookies at tj's. make that peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. balls. okay, the cookies couldn't be used for my cake so i ate two. they fit in my calories and most of the rest are at the office now. then i had to make peanut butter cookies. WELL. feel free to add peanut butter bookie dough to the list of pre-baked confections i can't resist.

then it turned out that i'd baked way more than i needed. and THEN i made the chocolate cheesecake which just smelled sooooooo gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

bites, licks and tastes later, i couldn't manage a walk and my weight was up. 151.6. awesome.

so tonight i'm going to bake a cake, do my body-weight resistance workout, walk to dinner and walk back before going to the booze store.

i'm just really glad we'll have two quiet days to focus after this crazy weekend!