what i did on my summer vacation

• split cheese fries and a club wrap with cole slaw at beef 'o'brady's
• light caramel frap
• mother in law's chicken parm
• passion fruit smirnoff ice (er, maybe two)
• light caramel frap & split banana chocolate chip cake
• burger & fries at gaspar's grotto in ybor city
• 1905 side salad & chicken salteada at columbia in ybor city
• romeo e julietta crepe (nutella, bananas and strawberries) at la creperia cafe in ybor city
• passion fruit smirnoff ice
• little cheeseburger (JUST one patty) and fries at five guys
• four vodka & diet cream sodas, a hot dog and a piece of cookie cake at the birthday party of a six year old i don't know whose father used to play for the st. louis cardinals (eric... something?)
• pasta and rocky road at 11pm
• jimmy dean d-lite turkey sausage, egg white at cheese
• gross nachos at the step-nephew-in-law's flag football game
• light caramel frap & cinnimon twist
• husband's FABULOUS homemade pizza, 2 beers & monkey bread
• fried zucchini, house special greek pizza & baklava tiramisu at parthenon in tarpon springs
• fried rice, spring rolls, beef & broccoli & general tso's chicken "homemade" (from bj's)
• assorted snacks, chips, bruschetta and homemade iced coffees

i gained a pound a day. not kidding at all. it's as though my mother in law is trying to make up for every meal she's not made for my husband since she moved to florida two years ago. or maybe since the divorce 12 years ago. we ate, on average, 2.5 GIANT FEASTS every day. too bad, too, because last week i was thinking i could get rid of the 16s. HA!

and, of course, yesterday was the first monday of the month (ALREADY??) so i have to post the HIDEOUS number i saw this morning... 179.8! couldn't have cut it any closer...

it's been a year and a half since i was there. mother-in-law noticed the difference right away, but step-father-in-law couldn't put his finger on it... once he did, he INSISTED on talking about it FOREVER. and then some more later. i should be grateful though-- he was less grabby than i remembered.

so, i'm gonna run and catch up with that wagon (literally--RUN!) and make-- gulp-- a goal! i'm going to weigh 145 pounds by november.

oh, hai

exercise? what's that? where did my hour-a-day mojo go? i dunno, but as things continue on a slooooooooooooooooooow downward motion, i'm dangerously content. i'm swinging a solid 14 in pants now, which means a 12 in everything else (thighs. of. doom.) and while i would have LOVED to be all thin and dainty this summer, it's almost like NOT being thin and dainty this summer gives me a whole year to do it right. we're buying a recumbent exercise bike and some heavier than 5-pounds weights and i'm eating enough and protein and produce and everything's gonna be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

i just wish i could put a date on it. like, on december 31, 2009, i will be IN SHAPE. wait, is that reasonable? it just seems that no matter what sort of goal i set, it never works out that way.

awkwardness

my boss is an old friend (and business partner) of my dad's. he must weigh 450 pounds. i had NO IDEA how to react when he commented on my weight this morning. it went like this:

bossman: "you're looking well."
becklette: "..."
bossman: "like you've lost quite a bit of weight."
becklette: "... um?"
bossman: "haven't you?"
becklette: "i guess."
bossman: "you guess?"
becklette: "yes, i have."
bossman: "you're looking well."
becklette: "thank you."
bossman: "how do you feel?"
becklette: "um...? good."

SO uncomfortable. SO. SO. SO.

in totally unrelated news... i walked to the grocery store last night, bought 2 of those little bottles of lemon juice, 2 packs of 3-cup disposable plastic containers and a liter of seltzer and then i walked home. 3 miles round-trip. no longer than my usual walks on the track, but harder, with hills and balancing and carrying things.

this means i (WE?) could conceivably WALK to starbucks on a weekend morning for a light frapp. hoo-ray!

linky-link! nutritional info on your recipes

neat.

like, what's my motivation?

dear becklette:

on sunday it was that creepy blister. on monday you were just too tired. on tuesday it was raining. what will be your excuse tonight?

it's been at least 3 weeks since i did a push-up or sit-up; at least a week since i decided to add squats to my thrice-weekly routine. it's been three days since i've laced up my sneakers and hit the track for even a leisurely walk.

tonight i'm going to sweat-- hard-- for an hour. tonight i'm going to do 30 sit-ups, 15 push-ups and as many squats as i can.

i leave for florida in 21 days-- just enough time to kick my body into some semblance of shape.

my efforts to spend my calories more wisely were going well, and still aren't going too badly. i didn't get up this morning to scramble my egg + white and nuke my facon; instead i ate two crackers. in an hour or so i'll eat one of my leftover mini turkey burgers. (we ate at ruby tuesday last night and i planned for 1/2 a turkey burger wrap, mashed cauliflower and 1/4 of a classic sampler for 775 calories. except they are CURRENTLY changing their menu and the turkey burger wrap exists only in theory as yet. so i got the turkey burger minis and ate 2. which turned out to be 500 calories. which is about 225 more than half the wrap.)

i am tired of this fight. exhausted. i have to fight harder.

april showers bring... may showers?

well, lookie, lookie! it's a ticker that says 60-something pounds lost! thank goodness i made it (by the skin of my teeth) back down here for weigh-in. granted, yesterday i was 173.8, but that's just how it's been lately.

as you can see, non-scale fitness goals remain the same for may as they were for april because of the sickness, the rain and the oh, hey, i actually DO have asthma-- it's not just being fat and smoking (cause, hi, i lost 60 pounds, quite smoking and got in good enough shape to walk 5 miles without having to elevate my feet for the next two days)-- so i have to go to the doctor next week. my doctor is sort of superficial. professionally speaking. she is an adolescent weight loss specialist who offers laser hair & scar removal in her office. she's a southeast asian woman with dyed blond hair and green contact lenses. she can't seem to stop suggesting that i check out weight watchers. she should be really pleased with me, doncha think? i adore external validation...

okay, um, anyway. i didn't go on my 2-hour walk yesterday because i had the strangest blister from saturday's-- it was right behind the ball of my foot and i SWEAR i could hear the fluid squelching around each step i took by the end of my 5 miles at the track. so. gross. but the blister didn't become visible until way later and i thought i was going crazy. any thoughts on how to avoid this oddly place blister? also, i haven't gotten back in the strength-training swing and i HAVE TO do that tonight. 24 days to florida.

so... i'd like to be down to 165 in 3.5 weeks, obviously, but that's unlikely. after that, i want 155 by 4th of july; 145 by labor day; 135 by halloween.

(i shouldn't even jinx myself like that.)

it looks so simple laid out like that, doesn't it? but i know it's not. and there's no reason the next 40 pounds should go EASY. i just... sigh. i'm ready for this struggle to be OVER. or, at least, in maintenance.

i don't know where to go with this

so. hi. how are you? (i'm just kidding-- i know how you are because i still read all your blogs.)

today is the last day of april, which means my monthly weight report is coming up on monday. and i really, well, i really have no idea what it's going to be. yes, i still weigh myself daily, but my weight has been INSANELY erratic lately. (is that redundant?) i've been bouncing between 174.4 and 176.8 for like two weeks. and it just doesn't make sense.

i eat between 1200 and 1300 calories every day. i walk or stepper-dance* for at least 45 minutes a day-- 2 hours a day on the weekends. i drink tons of water. the only thing i'm not keeping up with is my strength training because i was sick last week and my husband is sick this week and sure, one of us COULD CONCEIVABLY workout by ourselves, but if that was seriously plausible we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with, ya know? anyway, i'm back at it today with or without him because we're going to florida in 29 days and deargodalmighty bathing suits.

(*stepper-dancing is when i hop on my mini-stepper and blast sublime in my ears and dance my pants off. you would not believe how sweaty i get.)

so. we'll see. monday might be very happy or not as happy. i would like very much to be <165 by our trip, which seems very attainable some days and less so other days, which is why i'm working out so much (and please don't give me any shit about the calorie range, i see a registered dietitian and you are not she). plus, oh my god, it makes me HAPPY. and ENERGETIC. and CONFIDENT. and since i've been working out daily (2 weeks before easter) i've been asked what my secret is about a thousand times ("these jeans are just REALLY FLATTERING") and called "the incredible shrinking woman" and "skinny bitch" by all my nearest and dearest... and i've lost basically NO WEIGHT.

i do feel really great. but i think i'd feel better if i could pour myself into some 14s.