count down to goal

Thursday, November 19, 2009

are you sitting down?

i didn't work out. I KNOW, you're shocked. me, too.

i DID eat pizza and cupcakes and magical pepperoni dip.

i'm so disappointed in myself. and embarrassed. ugh. i'm drowning, here. i don't want to settle. i realized this yesterday, i don't want to accept 80 pounds down as good enough. 156 pounds isn't even in the "healthy" bmi range... not that that's totally accurate, but i have a pretty medium frame and am not very muscular, so, ya know, it might apply to me. and i know that it's not a weight where i'd wear a bikini... or a miniskirt... or a backless top or whatever fabulous thing i imagine my skinny self FINALLY, triumphantly wearing. i know (from experience, remember i was about 155 in 2003ish) that my arms will still be floppy and my legs will lack definition.

i don't want that.

i want to be slim and strong. i want to be delicate and girly. i want to be comfortable. and i want to have lost my 101 pounds. i DO.

now. how the fuck do i make it happen? i mean, MAKE IT. how do i succeed? losing 32ish pounds is no small task. but i need it. i need success. what do i do?


Maria said...

I have no weight loss blog, only a regular one, but I have also been on a journey this year. I am down 74 and have 36 left to go. We could partner up to keep each other motivated if you are interested. Just don't be so hard on yourself. You have accomplished a ton, and can do more, but maybe looking at it as something without a time frame will take away the pressure. Try taking a scheduled break for a few days and then get back into it. You can do it, be kind to yourself.

becklette said...

thanks for the pep talk, maria! i worry about taking a scheduled break this close to the season of food, but i may have no choice but to try. i am SO EXHAUSTED from this-- nearing the three year mark to lose my 70-- that it's becoming increasingly difficult to try.

i'm motivated by you already, so i hope i can return the favor soon!