numbers

hours spent in the kitchen since thursday: 12

beers consumed: 4

diet cokes consumed: 6

enormous meals consumed: 3

normal meals consumed: 5

pounds gained: 4.8


fuck my life.

confession

i don't want to go away this weekend.

we're going with my parents & brothers to see my uncles & my other brother out of town. while we're there, my mom is organizing a big landscaping project for my uncles, which everyone but my husband and i are working on. us, though? we're the food team. that's right, the FOOD. TEAM.

and i don't want to do it. i don't want to make cupcakes tonight or cookies for my brother. i don't want to spend saturday making pizzas for lunch and a southern feast for dinner (dry ribs, mac & cheese, green bean salad, roasted brussels sprouts). i don't want to bake a cake after dinner. i don't want to get up early on sunday to work on ceviche (um, gag.), lomo saltado, papas rellenas and southwestern salad. i don't wanna.

because i want to have another pretty number on tuesday.

whoa.

three things that have made me go "whoa" in the last 24 hours:

1. since having a phenomenal lunch with the recovering actor yesterday that included some fries, i have wanted to eat carbs constantly. now, i realized a while ago that if i eat white-carb type foods alone in the morning (plain toast, not-very-fibrous cereal) i'm hungrier, but the discovery that a carby lunch lead to sugar-fiending was sort of... whoa.
2. i felt very, very sick last night on the way home from work and lay down for about 25 minutes before leaving for class. i mean, i felt AWFUL. i couldn't work out why, it hit SO FAST and then went pretty fast, too. after class i felt good, but hungry, so i ate a tiny piece of my husband's leftover pizza (then his leftover fries, then some crackers, then some toast, then some chocolate) and then-- you see this a mile away, right?-- i felt sick again! i'd overeaten. whoa.
3. my first try on the scale this morning was 164.something. i called my husband in to look, hopped on again and got 167.8 (oh, HI THERE late-night white toast). but i SAW a FOUR. WHOA.

i decided to try levi's jeans-- any experiences? they're 99% cotton (IMAGINE THAT) and my brothers SWEAR by them... of course, my brothers are six feet tall and have to work to keep on 150 pounds and, oh, yeah, are dudes. but they're on sale and made of natural fibers horray.

FINALLY

167.4. and that's official.

i have so much to say and so little interest in saying it. i've been really bummed about a lot of things lately, not least of which is how dark it gets! and early! i like the dark better than the light, but i like WARM dark, which is not, of course, what we're getting at seven pm these days.

oh! and i'm really angry at old navy. i'd ordered a pair of bootcut flirt jeans, carefully making sure the fabric was the same as what i have (80% cotton, 19% poly, 1% spandex) because i don't even like these perfectly, and they shipped me (and charged me for, non-sale) a pair that 65% cotton and 34% poly. ummmm, EW. that's not denim, folks.

and... yeah. things are mediocre at best around here.

weekend in review

the weekend turned out nothing at all like i planned. but i still like the number i see, and you're going to see it tomorrow for my official october weight.

i have coupons for talbots and ann taylor this month, which i'd really like to be able to use on final-size clothes. which i can't do unless i'm penultimate-sized by the time they expire. (i don't buy more than one size too small.) i think that final size is actually going to be 10 bottoms and 8/small tops-- that's based on the size 10 ann taylor shirt i wore yesterday with size 14 jeans. and no, i will NEVER be able to buy a suit together. based on my current rate of loss (which will probably not keep up) i decided that if i get to 156 VERY early, more than a month, i will go for 150. but 150 is it, even if i wake up tomorrow 150.

okay. so.

weekend was off-plan but not out-of-control. the worst of it was that we went to my mom's for dinner last night AT EIGHT and i'm REALLY not good with eating that late, so i basically had two dinners. the rest of the week is going to be good and planful and i'm going to be 165 soon. tonight we're having porkchops with squash & cous cous.

i have nothing interesting to say at all.

day, crap, 10? and 11?

okay, TODAY is day 11. so, day 10 report:

i did alright with food. my only veggies were tomatoes and olives on my pizza dinner, though. not excellent. i only ate 3 lindt peanut butter truffles when i wanted to scarf the whole bag. i'm basically still pouting over my sore arm. dude, it HURTS. and... i can't believe what i still weigh.

day 11-13 plan:

we have nothing crazy planned for this weekend. well, a little crazy... we're rearranging our bedroom. that means moving a bed, a huge desk, a small bookcase and a stationary bike. i might get my brother to come over and help the mister repair the bike so i can, i dunno, USE IT. it would be nice to get in a couple walks if the weather cooperates. and we're basically planning on going to movies BOTH days, which means the weekend will be heavy on the coke zero.

NEXT weekend, though, NEXT weekend will be exciting. next weekend we're going out of town to visit my gay uncles and my brother who's staying with them while he trains for his new job. and i'm in charge of the food. and it's going to be crazy-fun. my uncles are awesome and my brothers pretty much rock, too. so it'll be a damn good time. and... and... i woulnd't mind being 165 then. (OVERWEIGHT!!) and, you guys, it doesn't look impossible.

how much do you think a suspicious mole weighs?

i had a suspicious mole removed this morning. then my husband treated me to a light frap and a turkey bacon & egg while sandwich. to cheer me up. good idea? not really. helpful? eh, a little. the local is wearing off now and it huuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrts! i guess i can't really complain with fat bridesmaid soldiering through gallbladder surgery. and, you know, hungry children in india, men with no feet, etc.

but that probably won't stop me.

last night... was not my best work. we went to dinner at some friends' house-- a rare occurrence since they live with his parents and, frankly, i'm the only one of my friends who can cook, so generally, IF we go somewhere for dinner, i cook.

so, anyway, we went there. she made pasta. and ceasar salad-- not like i make it, like restaurants make it, like salad-dressing soup. then there was cheesy bread. wine. and chocolate chip cookies. oh, and dinner was later than we're used to so i had a snack of cheese-filled convenience store pretzel. and i am sorry for all my sins.*

so i ate a good amount more than i should have, but still down today. tomorrow's another story since we're having pizza for dinner (one slice, veggie-laden). we shall see.

i'm waiting on a pair of jeans, two black sweaters and a fuscia shell from my recent orders. the tops are all mediums or m/ls. the jeans are 14s... i had to buy them because i've been working with 4 pairs: ann taylor straight leg 16ps, gap flared 14s, old navy bootcut flirt 14 and old navy bootcut flirt 14 short. and... i got pen all over the gap jeans (the ones i practically cried when i zipped up) so i have only one pair of full-length, heel-compatible jeans. no good.

it's really strange to see a REASONABLE number of that "pounds left to go" ticker. REALLY. STRANGE.

*food has no moral value. that was a joke. it's what you say at the end of your list of sins in confession. it just... fit with the list.