count down to goal

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

xanax and inhibitions

yesterday i had my second colposcopy, the first one was last year after my pap came back abnormal and positive for hpv. after a leep, there are two courses of treatment/monitoring. normally, they bring you in for semi-annual paps until you get it right 3 times. if you're a crazy person who has to be high as a kite to even CONSIDER getting a pap, they might let you stay annual and get an hpv test. guess which one i am??

so, this year i had no dysplasia, but still tested postitive for hpv, which makes my case chronic or persistent. theoretically, the leep is supposed to alert your body that there's an infection and your body should come fight it off. (it also removes those pesky gonna-be-cancer cells.) mine... did not. i mean, there's no obvious precancerousness, but there's still the virus. (and i've been vaccinated, so it's not possible that i was reinfected by my husband who almost certain has it because, well, we've been together 6 years this weekend.)

now i get to go in semiannually for a pap with an hpv test. lucky me, right? and get an annual colpo as long as i'm coming pack positive for hpv. de-fucking-lightful.

anyway... for the test, and any pelvic exam, i prefer to be high as a goddamn kite. i had a couple rough doctors, a couple weird experience and, oh, yeah, i HATE HATE HATE HATE being touched by anyone other than a select few, and touched THERE by anyone but a select one. it's kind of a thing. so my lovely obgyn prescribes me four .5mg per appointment and i take them at 45 minute intervals until i fell like, yeah, i could probably handle a speculum. and having some cells removed from my cervix with what i can only describe as a pointy bottle brush. (it takes all four. ALWAYS.) but 1mg in i decided to go get a cupcake.

i did fine, of course. it helped that there was no needle biopsy needed this time. my husband drove me, which was very good. he took me to sbux for my usual post-medical/dental 1 p+ light iced coffee. i asked to split an apple fritter. we did (6p+ EACH). then i went home to sleep. (3:30ish) at 6 he woke me up for pizza and i at THREE pieces (17p+ omfg). (welllllll, it was a small, but 2 is mu usual.) and then i went back to sleep. when i woke up at 11, i wanted a "tiny ice cream" as we call the variety of snack-sized trader joe's frozen treats we keep. i had three (5 p+).

clearly, i cannot be trusted with food after 2mg of xanax. CLEARLY.

back on track, though. no exercise today because i have a 5k tomorrow night. it will be 89*. help me.

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