yesterday

yesterday's weigh in: 152.2 (an obvious consequence of how lazy i was with my monthly goals)

yesterday's 5k time: 45ish minutes (unofficial, obvs)

yesterday's agenda: the girl who played with fire and the girl who kicked the hornet's nest in the original swedish (the movies, obvs)

yesterday's food: a humungo diner breakfast, leftover weight watchers pasta primavera, fat free brownie, vanilla ice cream bon bon, peanuts

yesterday's drink: mimosas! (2) and water water water.

now i'm back to regularly scheduled life. breakfasts and lunches are made, dinners are planned, need to plan workouts today.


..........


i approximated running the whole time. k (my friend) ran ahead when i started to flag in the second mile. she kept the 13 minute mile pace the whole time. bk (my brother: big k) stuck with me, even though it was probably harder for him to go increasingly slower each mile than it would have been to finish in 20 minutes. my cousin ck (coach k) who coached bk in high school track was there unexpectedly. he finished in a slow 21:something but stuck around for 25 minutes to hand me a water bottle--opened! how thoughtful-- at the finish line.

dudes, it was hot as shit out. i sweated buckets. and the sun, oh god, the sun. and the HILLS. i wish i lived in jersey. where it's flat.

but i ran it.

now i need some synthetic running gear or i will surely die this summer.

holiday weekend

in 6 hours, my holiday weekend begins.

my 5k weekend.

my farmers' market weekend.

in arts administration (the field i'm getting my ms in) there is a concept called BHAG: Big Hairy Audacious Goal. what is the *thing* your organization would like to achieve in a PERFECT WORLD. like, "bring a love and appreciation of classical music to every fifth grader in the country." some crazy, impossible shit.

my running BHAG was to be able to run 5 miles, in a row, in about an hour. then i would do that 3-5 times a week. and i would be fit and healthy.

i'm going to have to make it 6 because on wednesday, i ran 4 miles in 53 minutes.

i will likely be running the 5k alone on monday. my running buddy wants to maintain a 10-12 minute mile and i don't think i can do much better than 13, especially with hills and heat. my brother would probably die if he ran that slow. but even if i'm running it alone, i'm RUNNING it. i can totes do it.

despite not making breakfast ahead this week and only half-assing lunches (i made the red beans, but got bored and didn't do the rice!) i still have not bought food during the day. it's been tempting to hop on the scale and just see since noticing how well my clothes fit-- or how large-- and how well i've done on ww and with my workouts. but i'm managing to wait.

.................

question: did anyone else feel really inadequate after seeing the biggest loser finale? i didn't watch the season (SO. SLOW. AND. OVERWROUGHT. OMG. WEIGH IN ALREADY!) but the sisters who were the final 2? they did not look like they'd ever been fat. no bulky calf and thigh muscles, no flappy arms and boob, no deep nasal-labial folds. they looked like freaking models. /end whine

................

so, for the weekend:

• stick to ww every day-- track and mind limits
• go to only ONE family/holiday event and track it
• workout friday (?), lift saturday, walk sunday, race monday!
• weigh in an post monday
  

plugging

so far this week, i've done... not bad. school is winding down for the term (yay for a 10-day break!) which means lots of work. i didn't cook lunches until yesterday, and i half-assed it, AND i still haven't cooked breakfasts. BUTBUTBUT. i'm still packing/eating from home. no bought breakfast or lunch. dinners have been haphazard and workouts will be: an abbreviated walk on monday, a jog today, a jog tomorrow, a walk friday and lifting saturday. not bad.

i'm not sure what i'm doing with my monthly weigh-ins... do i post on the first? the first monday? gah. i've confused myself. i'd love to post a 2011 low on my sidebar in june, so maybe i'll just play it by ear. OH! but i can only weigh myself on sundays and mondays, so the 6th it is!

so, for now, just plugging along.

cannot believe

... my weight continued to drop yesterday. 152.6 for the official weigh-in this week. down 1.2, i think?

what for

this weekend was a crazy whirlwind. after selling everything we own, giving away our pets and quitting out jobs, we were shocked --SHOCKED-- to actually have to attend my grandma's birthday party today when we weren't raptured.

i'm kidding, obvs, i've been obsessively planning every detail of this outfit for weeks. and even if a) we believed that the rapture was real/coming, b) we would not have been on the list. atheist! my grandmother (beloved, and best friend) hissed to her college roommate, a nun, and her priest friend. GUILTY!

so. this is apparently me giving my brother (cropped to protect the innocent) what for. but... i dunno what for. it's about the only decent, non "get closer!" picture we got of me today. so it's what ya get.

it's also one of the few pics in which i was not aware my photo was being taken, so i let my bat wings flap in the wind.

and, yes, i got a spray tan and look like an oompla loompa. i'm not proud of it... and i wish i'd just gotten my legs done.

so. i guess this is a photo update. i don't have a "before" handy, so you'll have to go looking for it if you want to see.

there were a lot of questions. lots and lots of these people haven't seen me since my wedding (or before) and most of the people i spoke with had asked someone who i was. one cousin apparently asked my SISTER who the "stunning woman in the red dress" was. which, gosh, embarrassing, overwrought, and HELL YEAH, MTHERFCKR! there were a few whispered how much, how long, HOWs?? but many people stuck to you look wonderfuls and i didn't recognize yous. i wish i'd worn my hair in a less matronly updo, but my plans for a loose braid were repeated thwarted by... my hair... and i'd had to change plans last-minute.

this morning, after many beers, bar food and a cookout yesterday, i weighed 153.2. this is about 82 pounds down. i'm also in the best shape of my life. the dress is a medium from ann taylor loft. i would say, given the spanx, i should have worn a small. i had to tie the belt pretty tight and tuck some errant folds of jersey into it. i'm 5'3" but closer to 5'8" in these heels. (still apparently shorted than my baby brother.)

i really, really loved wearing a retina-searing dress and insane heels and feeling pretty good. i'm looking forward to how i'll feel when i knock out the rest of the weight and get my arms tucked.

i did poorly with my goals this week. i worked out 4 times, but haven't tracked since friday and probably went waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over my daily & earned points this weekend. new week tomorrow!

fancy dress

this weekend marks the beginning of the major party season for me. we have my grandmother's 80th birthday brunch, a bachelorette weekend in june, a bachelorette party in june, a bridal shower in june, a wedding in july, a baby shower in july, a wedding in august, a bridal shower in august, an anniversary party in august, a MOTHERFUCKINGOVERSEASVACSATION in september, an important anniversary in september (five years. this many ::holds up hand, fingers spread::) and a bachelor/ette do in november and then a rehearsal & wedding in november. that's something like 14 parties requiring me to look nice. and i had a (LOVELY!) shower last weekend, but since it's MAY i was able to cover my upper arms.

which, btw, look... like that. and that's actually a pretty flattering shot.

so, this is what i know about my arm skin:

1. my arms were not fat my whole life! not until i hit 200 at the earliest.
2. they are still that fat in the 150s though...
3. it's not floppy skin; there's only maybe 1/2 and inch of slack there. it's FAT.
   
4. i have no idea what my arms are going to look like for real until i lose the fat...
5. ...which is not going easily.
6. but there are stretch marks at the front of my armpits that cause this really nasty ripple thing to happy, like on my stomach when i flip my head t scrunch my hair. only, always.
   
7. an arm lift costs about $3k.
   
8. but you can't do things like pick up babies for 8-12 weeks.
   
9. so this is the sort of thing i need to get done by next june or july.
   
10. which means... i should lose the fat so i can know if i'll need it by then.

so, what are your arm lifting thoughts? as i mentioned, my over-the-naval tummy could use some work, my boobs could stand a lift (and a cup or two) and the whole "belt lift" thing sounds great, but it's my arms that are keeping me from being comfortable, like, EVER.

anyway.

i got new running shoes! they're brooks ravenna and i wore them to run THREEEEEEEEEEEEE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILES yesterday. so the rest of our training plan is for me & my husband to walk the 5k route tonight with a gps (some of the streets aren't marked...), then tomorrow and saturday we work out on our own (i have spinning and weight training) and sunday k comes up here early to jog/walk the route with me before my grandma's party. next week, we'll do a run together on wednesday, then i'll do something on thursday, then walk the course on friday, rest saturday and sunday and... run my first 5k on monday!!

(ps, did i mention we booked an overseas vacation for september??)

amlost there

we did 2.75 miles on monday. that's almost three!

it's working!

first, a halfway-point goal check-in:

• i will prepare my own breakfasts AND lunches all 17 workdays this month (i work full-time hours in 4 days a week) mission accomplished so far!
  
• i will workout at least 4x a week this month only managed 3 last week (but 5 the week before!) because of a strained hip flexor.
  
• i will sign up for and complete my first 5k race this month signed up, almost done training!
  
• i will sign up for my second 5k race (july 14) this month, and set a time goal and speed-work schedule have not done this, but i plan to sign up for a whole series.
  
• i will schedule my annual massage for early next month my fave therapist went back to college and was replaced with an older man who doesn't do the nice, relaxing stuff, so i'm looking for a new one.
  
• i will track my points+ and activity all month, every day, even special events doin' it! even managed to track a bridal shower yesterday!
  

so. this week i prepared my own breakfasts & lunches on workdays. i also stuck to my daily and same-day earned activity points+, and didn't dip into my weekly flex p+ at all! i also didn't weigh myself daily (though, i did hop on yesterday morning for an advance peek) so i didn't cheat based on how i was doing.

verdict: IT WORKED! i lost 1.8 pounds this week for an official weight of 153.8! but... when i peeked on sunday (before cake at the shower and pizza at home) i was at 152.2!! this week i'm planning to keep packing meals, workout m-th-f-s-s. and not weighing myself again until... let's face it, sunday, before my grandma's birthday party. (though i will be on a scale tomorrow around 1.30 at my yearly cervical scrape. which, yeah, after last year's experience, i'm a bit stressed about.)

AND. i will post two photo updates this week: one of my arm flap and one of my all dolled up (and faced?) for the party on sunday.

i don't watch dancing with the stars...

because it make me all GOTTA DANCE! but i put it on for background noise while i did homework tonight and... wow. i just want to say, honestly, i had a revelation.

at one point (in reference to kristie alley not eating and claiming to have forgotten) maks says, "yeah, she FORGETS. for seven weeks she FORGETS. she's not eating enough." because obviously she's on a diet because obviously there's a metric shitton of pressure to get super thin on dancing with the stars.

oh, to be an athlete.

oh, wait, i think i'm being an athlete.

scale break

day one without a a quick stop on the scale in the morning. that was hard.

BUT. i packed my lunch, and ate my homemade breakfast. even defrosted a couple steaks for dinner. (aside: we have been trying to eat more plant-based meals, so we've not been really dealing with our freezer contents, but as the weather warms, our evening chocolate craving becomes an ice cream craving, so i've been buying a variety of tiny ice cream treats at tj's and noticing the mess that is our freezer. i organized it last night and realized we had a corning hen, 12 steaks, 6 pork chops, 6 pounds of sausage, a huge bag of chicken breasts, a pound of bacon and two pounds of ground turkey. whoops.) monday and tuesday have been my exercise rest days lately, but i have workouts planned for tomorrow, thursday, saturday, sunday and monday (also planning to ask for a hiking date on friday). and. AND. i got fitted for running shoes and ordered a pair of brooks ravennas online! holy shamoly. i think i'm *almost* a runner. now to register for the 3 summer evening 5ks i've been eyeing up.

also? i'm pretty sure i look great. so that's a comfort.

focus

it is really important to me to lose 20-25 more pounds in about the next four months. that's because i will be graduating from BNGS in about 13 months and planning to start a family within 6 months after that. before i do that, i want to have an arm lift and i want to maintain my weight for a year first.

but i can't seem to do it. i don't know why. i follow ww perfectly-- better than i ever have any other plan. i'm working out hard and often. i feel good about my eating and my exercising.

i weigh 155.6 again today. exactly the same as my first weigh in on ww.

so it's a scale break for me. not stepping on until next monday. after that, it may be a good long while. i'm going to focus on eating well and running. i'm going to take swimming lessons, too. i don't know what else to do, really. i just want to feel like i'm at the right place.

victory is... OWIE!

i'm really rocking my goals this week. yesterday, i slept later than planned and wasn't on the first train to the gym, or the second or the third.

so i mapped a 2 mile route around my neighborhood and jogged the shit out of it. after about a quarter mile i realized that my route (2.05 mile loop) was mostly uphill. which i realize sounds geographically impossible, but i sweartogod it's true. and i was dying. i thought i would quit before i'd managed a half a mile and walk home in shame.

but i didn't.

i jogged, feeling like i was going about one mile an hour, the whole way (pausing for two or three traffic lights, because i am so not cool enough to jog in place at a light) back to my block. i estimate my block is .05 miles, so i walked it home once i turned on to it. it took me about 31 minutes, so my normal "running" pace of 15 minute miles. WHOA.

then i tried a yoga video and i pulled something that made breathing while laying in my preferred sleeping positions painful, so i slept badly and skipped the 6am spin class today. but i'm still getting 5 workouts this week! i'm also nursing a sore hip flexor and a weird toe pain, so i'm giving in and heading to the fancy running store to consider new shoes. and compression pants because, dude, i can FEEL my loose skin bouncing around. awful.

i registered for my memorial day 5k today, oh yes i did.

>>>>>

other goals are fine and dandy. i made 5 days of breakfasts yesterday and packed salad today. it's a week into may and i have spent just $5 (on two lattes)! tomorrow i have to navigate mass-market "italian" food with the inlaws. not sure if it will be carrabba's or olive garden, but neither is listed in the ww database, so i have some legwork to do...

may-- week 1

i've made breakfast the past three days and will make tomorrow's & friday's tomorrow.

i've packed lunch the past three days and will eat at home tomorrow and make extra to pack friday.

i weight trained yesterday, have spinning today, will run tomorrow, hope to spin friday, weight training saturday and running sunday. (my ww week runs m-s.) that's six workouts! HOLLA!

omg, yes, i know, register for the 5ks. will do. today. promise.

3 days of p+ tracking (i pretrack) down! no special events this weekend.

..........

can we have a talk about arm lifts? maybe this weekend i'll post a nice muscle shot and we can vote on whether my batwings will ever go away or if i should start saving my pennies to buy some surgeon a boat.

MAY

in one month it will be summer. welllll... sort of. memorial day, not the solstice. but i count june as summer, full stop. every year for the past fifteen or so (maybe more like 18?) i've promised myself i would be thin "by next summer." yeah, i'm not thin. maybe i never will be. but i'm going to feel good THIS summer.

to that end:

• i will prepare my own breakfasts AND lunches all 17 workdays this month (i work full-time hours in 4 days a week)
• i will workout at least 4x a week this month
• i will sign up for and complete my first 5k race this month
• i will sign up for my second 5k race (july 14) this month, and set a time goal and speed-work schedule
• i will schedule my annual massage for early next month
• i will track my points+ and activity all month, every day, even special events

my weight is not doing what i want it to do. my body, while stronger and healthier every day, is not nice looking. i have to relax and let go. i feel like time is running short for this, since i want to maintain my weight for a full year before getting pregnant and be fit enough to keep up serious exercise during pregnancy. but i have 13 months of BNGS left and i need to focus on that.