count down to goal

Monday, October 12, 2009

okaaaaaaay, step away from the edge

whoa.

once in a while, i stumble upon something-- a thought, a facebook status, a memory, a name-- that sends me into a fit of depression. i know this. this morning it was on facebook, lots and lots of weddings. i am really good at delayed gratification, but was SO HAPPY to be getting married that i refused to consider, say, a two-year engagement. so i did school, wedding and a new job all together. i didn't lose weight. i didn't make a plan, i didn't even think about it when i registered. i don't feel good about it. but it's over.

the weekend was great and crazy and fun and indulgent. but it's over.

for my own sake i need to detail this. sorry, if it's inappropriate for this venue:
  • friday: LOTS of eating. a huge, nice lunch, a quesadilla and 2 or 3 pear-champange cupcakes (unfrosted, like that matters).
  • 5am saturday: 1 giant pancake and 1/2 a piece of scrapple
  • 11am saturday: 2 or 3 chocolate-dipped madeleines
  • 12:30ish saturday: 2 slices of homemade prosciutto & asparagus pizza, tortilla chips & salsa, tomato & cucumber salad.
  • 6ish saturday: babyback ribs, mac & cheese, green bean salad, brussels sprouts with bacon, 4 harvest moons.
  • 8ish saturday: 1 pear-champange cupcake (frosting removed) & two bowls of ice cream
  • 8am sunday: 1/2 an english muffin with natural pb.
  • 11am sunday: more with the madeleines.
  • 1pm sunday: lomo saltado (on a traditional base of frozen french fries), 1/2 a papas rellenas, glass of wine & tres leches cake.
  • 7pm sunday: veg fried rice.
  • 9:30pm sunday: 1/2 a pint of ice cream.

i feel like complete crap. i feel like i drank noting but beer all weekend (i didn't have water ONCE). i feel like a failure and like my life is pathetic. i feel like i won't get in to grad school. i feel like i have no control.

but it's over.

1 comment:

kelerific said...

Dude. I hate days like that. Those days leave me exhausted and prone to thoughts of punching people.