almost anticlimax

it would seem i was more afraid of the test than the possible results. today? i feel like a tremendous weight (HA!) is off my shoulders. that's nice.

the test was awful. as i hinted a little yesterday, it was a colposcopy, a follow-up to an abnormal pap. ahhhh, preventative medicine. here's the thing about abnormal paps IF you get yours annually:

1. it might be nothing-- a yeast infection, a million other things
2. it might be SOMETHING that will go away on its own and you have to have more frequent paps until it does
3. it might be SOMETHING that's probably fine but potentially precancerous, in which case, they MIGHT want to freeze, cut or electrocute the abnormal bits off.
4. it might be precancerous
5. it might be cancer
6. if it's cancer, it's so incredibly early there's like a 99% survival rate-- especially, i suppose, if you're willing to get rid of your uterus post-haste, which i am

honestly, i was well chilled from mother's little helpers and it was no worse (though longer) than a pap... except the biopsy. YOWSER. ever wonder what it feels like to have someone take a fingernail clipper to your cervix? DON'T. the best part, though, was when my doctor was like, wow, you've got some really strong blood vessels and the ma went a got one of those postpartum-size maxi pads out of a drawer.

so, anyway. i feel pretty good, except for the site of my 2nd hpv vaccine shot (LONG STORY) which hurts like a sonofabitch and if i recall from two years ago when i got the first one, will for the next month. hooray. as e asked, my hooha is okay. for now. eta: i won't get the actual results for a week or so, and i don't think it's *great* news that i needed a biopsy, but i was fine last year. so.

it is wrong and sick and fucked up that i have actually thought, well, if it's cancer and i have chemo, i'll be sure to lose a few pounds. i think i feel free to have that kind of thought because dr. google practically promised i won't die.

so. anyway. i got my traditional post-gyno sbux. (come one. who among us doesn't feel like she deserves a treat after being violated by a mascara brush??) ordered my light frappe, picked up my chicken & veggie wraps and the BAM would you like a free pastry? WOULD I?! i got a reduced fat banana chocolate chip coffee cake. and i made it fit in my calories. i also had a pretty stunning dinner of scrambled eggs with broccoli. the trick is to put the broccoli in first. NOM.

oh, and i suppose i'll update to today's less-than-thrilling weight: 165.6.