- i am becoming more optimistic... through PRACTICE. fake it 'til you make it, baby.
- i am decidedly pear-shaped. or, at least, thick of thigh.
and at that point i just want to shake all those sad-face people and be like, HI! HAVE YOU MET YOUR AMAZING BODY? SMILE! AND DON'T SACRIFICE FORM!
(and then i would have to kill myself because, well, i hate people who tell other people how to feel or behave. it's awful.)
i don't know if i've made this clear around here, but i'm still rocking the size 14s (since august!) despite being about 10 pounds from where size 12s required a belt in '04. it's coming off in a different order this time. when i say 14s i refer to jeans, the uniform of my life. i work in a very casual office. i'm not really a sweatpants-at-home person, either, it's jeans or pajamas. i rarely go anywhere too dressy for jeans. i wore size 12 pants at halloween. it seems my mom was right all those years when she was telling me your jeans size is a size bigger than your regular pants size. i also wore a size 12 skirt to my uncle's funeral in december.
when i was down to 155 in '03-'04, i bought this dress. it's from ann taylor, my secret lover, where i worked at the time. it's a dark red cotton vee-neck number with tonal embroidery at the hem and is generally very, very pretty. a 10. i wore it once, opening night of a play i understudied in, basically the peak of my theater career, and never had another occasion. or, at least, that it FIT for. the next summer, i knew i was closer to a 14 than a 10, but ann had an incredible deal on this brown eyelet slip/sheath dress with a fuchsia underlay. and i'd just bought fuchsia pumps-- also at a great discount-- and, oh, i would lose the weight! no problem! bought it in a ten. it's never fit me. i loaned it to a skinny friend for a PAGEANT. (she didn't win, but the dress was a hit.)
of course, you know about my most recent "goal dress" foolishness. an 8! clearly somebody's on crack around here.
so, last night, after spinning, i was looking at it. it hangs (in plastic) on my bedroom door and i was just gazing at it. god, i hoped it would fit. only 2.5 months! i can conservatively hope to lose 10 pounds in that time. it will be okay, right??
my husband talked me in to trying it on.
it fit. of course, it's a-line, but the top was perfect! i could use some smoothing, but that's what spanx are for!
so i tried the brown eyelet. it's pretty sheathy, straight up and down. it fit. the red cotton? i'm wearing it to the ssil's shower in two weeks. DOING IT.
i feel SO. FUCKING. GOOD. i don't even care that i won't know what i weigh for sure for two weeks. i'm keeping on keeping on. if i lose 10, 15 or 20 pounds by The Wedding, all the better, but MAN. things fit. i'm fit.
so, this is very long, BUT. i need to outline my PLANNED post for today, too.
in two days i turn 26. i know, it's not old! don't freak out! i'm not. i feel, like i said, incredible. YOUNG. so i'm cool. but i want some things to HAPPEN during my 27th year. i know i will start grad school, and i need to have my weight settled by then. i need those two years to be maintenance time. so i want to carve out a goal place by september. i'd like it to be 135, but, really, i think i could be very happy at 145 or 150. i want to run a 5k and maybe a 10k. i want to learn how to swim properly. and i want to move to a 2-bedroom or bigger place.