my cervix is precancerous-- "moderate dysplasia"-- and i have to have surgical treatment. either LEEP or conization, i guess? i was... distracted, to say the least, when she told me. but i go in next tuesday to discuss.
you guys. fuck. i've never had surgery before.
thus far, i haven't talked to my family about this stuff. my husband, of course, and three friends, but i need my family. i need you all. i need all the support i can get. so, let's start with you.
friends, bloggers, interwebs, leave me a comment. tell me one or more of the following things:
- what is general anesthesia like? i can only imagine that movie where the guy was conscious but paralyzed and jessica alba was trying to kill him. that movie sucked monkey balls.
- do you think i'm going to have to have a catheter? i'm mortally afraid of catheters. do they insert/remove them when you're out?
- how can i phrase this news to my family to make it clear that any questions that are not helpful (do you have hpv?* where did you get it from, you skanky ho?** don't you realize you brought this on yourself?***) will cause me to cut you out of my life without being a total bitch?
- since my last pre-cancerous event has been dubbed "clark" (because it was a clark's nevus), what shall we name my abnormal lady business? lois? lewis? merrell? gimme something good!
*yes. just found out! that sucker's SNEAKY.
**good question. probably from all the skanky ho'ing i did in college.****
****or from one of the long-term monogamous relationships i was in.